Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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She has said both. However, I am not offended. I strongly disagree with her, which is a very different thing. I have tried to debate her main point, that SAH is best, but so far she has not been willing to share why that is so. The only real reason she has given is that it is part of her faith to SAH. I can certainly respect other people's faith, but I would not start insisting that the tenets of my faith should be followed by others.
It is really akin to a Jewish friend of mine insisting that I should not eat lobster, and giving as the reason that people of his faith do not eat lobster. In turn, I could try to convince him that he is failing morally because he does not fast before Easter. It is just that most reasonable and polite people would not do something so silly.
If someone is going to use the flamebaiting terminology of "abdicating one's responsibilities by SAH," then further explanation is needed. I SAH and we don't need a second income. If we did, then I would be abdicating my responsibilities by SAH.
But the tired implication here that a SAHP is abdicating even a single responsibility where children are concerned really smacks of insecurity.
Do I think it is abdicating one's responsibility by placing one's child in daycare for the very important first 5 years of his life? Yes, in some cases.
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I agree a couple should ideally not have children if they have debt. That is the ideal.
<> I think the wave of the future is that, if a child is going to graduate from a private 4 yr-college, the parents or grandparents will be a part of the equation. Times are very different now than when you went to college.
You've spoken about the importance of planning and its role in becoming a sahp. Well, how can you overlook how easy it is to set aside a small amount every year for the next 16 years for your kids? That's planning. That's easy compared to telling your children to work before/during college at jobs which will barely make a dent in a private college tuition - and then being encumbered for many years after college.
ITA.
Used corrrectly credit works for you not the other way around. I put the down payment for the car I just bought in a credit card (which was promptly paid off) and am now waiting for my cash back points to use for Christmas shopping. I save money using credit not wasted it.
Edited 12/2/2006 7:53 am ET by texigan-again
Oh. I'm sure some WOHMs work for extras only. I don't know how any reliable survey could parse that down to who is working for extras only. It's a question of quality of life and what is an extra to you might not be to someone else.
I need a big car for dogs, 3 kids and their (seemingly) daily playdates. Somedays I think I have playdates for the dogs. If anyone were to tell me that a big SUV is an "extra," they'd be 100% wrong in my case.
Can a full-time employee be class parent? This past month alone with Thanksgiving shows for the parents, Thanksgiving classroom parties and even the obligatory Thanksgiving-focused field trip, the class parents have spent a lot of time at school. The time the class parents put in definitely falls within the definition of "mothering" one's child despite his being in school.
I'm not even a class parent, but was at the school several days last month for various Thanksgiving things for my DDs. I also have my weekly volunteer gig at the school where I may or may not see my own DDs, but I do get a better feel for what my DDs are doing at the school than if I WOH. That's part of mothering a child who is in school.
Plus, last month as an example again, the kids didn't go to school every workday. The girls had 1 full day and 1 half-day off for school administrative functions and a 3rd day off - Veterans Day. DS was possibly-quasi-sick (I wasn't sure) so I was able to be home with him 2 weekdays that he would have otherwise gone to pre-school. That's 5 weekdays that I was glad to be a SAHM mothering my kids that I could not have done had I been a WOHM. (My son's "sick" days would've been spent at daycare because it wasn't clear if/what he had (if anything)).
Every month is similar. I get to mother them even though they are in school.
And I "get" to pick up playdates right after school - last week, we had a playdate everyday. That's mothering my kids in a way I definitely could not if I worked even part-time - i.e., a playdate for my DS still in pre-school starts at lunch-time.
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