Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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I'm sorry, I must have overlooked that in all this fun!
Luxuries and extras run the gamut. Our belief is that if our family is not out of debt then anything over and above a budget which is busy paying off said debt is a luxury or extra. If it is a luxury or extra and it will enhance the child's education, it should be weighed heavily against resources. We have in the past bartered many things such as piano lessons, guitar lessons, ballet lessons, dance lessons, sewing lessons and the list could go on but these are a few for our children for which we have bartered in the past. We believe in having no personal debt outside of a house payment and even that is really something we strive to pay off sooner than the 15 year note.
If you were looking for a list you could henpeck, you lost out here. People have to come to terms with what luxuries are to them. Our financial adviser helped us see where we could cut costs in order to pay off debt sooner and it saved us a lot of heartache and got us out of personal debt so we could then truly afford to spend money on things without having something hanging over our heads in the background.
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
<> I often wonder if some WOHMs here get what it's like to SAH for a few years. When someone comments her child is better off in full-time daycare or that she could never have provided the socialization for her very social child if she had SAH, I'm certain that WOHM does not know what it's like to SAH for several years.
Or when a WOHM says working is so much easier than being at-home all day, I wonder if she understands SAH during maternity leave is not the same at all as SAH for years.
I agree with you here. The OP did send that mixed message.
As for Parochial school--you are right there as well. Besides, if you are belong to the parish or are a member of the church, the tuition is less and sometimes waived if a family is in need. The world is in need of strong, moral foundations for our children who will one day lead our country and sometimes that's hard to get in public school.
"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&
You are not employed because you do not receive a paycheck. You don't get a penny for your work. Neither do I. I am a SAHM. But "unemployed" is a more apt description for me because I am/was very rarely just "at-home" with my 3 little kids. I don't know if I'll go back to working, but I won't pretend I am employed now.
<>
Yah, that was kind of foolish. I agree that, based on your earlier post, it was wrong of me to make an assumption that your husband was a success. I think we have very different definitions of success and, unbelievably, even the word *luck*. Success in business is part luck, that is undeniable. No one controls everything.
<> Then do you work with him?? Are you still a wohm or wahm? I don't understand why anyone who works in her husband's business is ashamed to admit working. Does the house of cards fall to pieces if a mother doesn't label herself a SAHM?
"I believe it is the man's position to provide first for his family."
I don't.
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"The problem is that if you work because you want to then your children are suffering needlessly."
In what way are they suffering? I'll fire the nanny and SAH Monday if you can explain to me how my children are suffering.
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Of course a fulltime wohp can be a class parent. May fulltime wohps have *flexible* schedules. Why does the class parent have to go on all the field trips. Aren't there other parents that can go? Plus, even a parent with an relatively inflexible schedule can be the class parent as it is mostly an *organizational* position. The class parent doe *not* have to be on premises for each and every even. S/he can *organize* it to ensure that the parties have the volunteers required. Plus, being a sahp doesn't ensure availablity. Many sahps have younger children and would thus have to find alternate care for them if they were to be in the school frequently as not a events are sibling friendly. At our school class parent is *more* frequently filled by a ftwohp than a sahm/ptwohm.
Why are your children's classes having so many parties. When do they learn?
"So please tell me how a SAHM is abdicating her responsibilities because she and her DH have decided that it is best for her to SAH? Are you saying that SAH aren't being responsible for her children because she doesn't work?"
In some cases, a SAHM really should be bringing in income, and again in some cases, she might not be exercising responsibility by foregoing paid work.
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"No one can offend you by something they say unless there is a little truth to what they say."
If I said a SAHM is at home because, among other things, they aren't smart enough to get a job that would make it worth their family's while, would you think that SAHM might get just a little insulted?
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