Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 8:53am

First of all, I think this whole notion of "best" is counterproductive. Each child, parent and family is different. What is "best" for any given child depends on a complicated dynamic of what is best, on balance, for the family as a whole.

So, I would not want to claim either that it is universally "best" for kids to have a SAHM nor that it is universally best for them to be in DC fulltime. In general, I do not see any great advantage of one over the other qua either solution. I have seen children both thrive and wilt in either scenario. Each solution has its own advantages and disadvantages, but even those are not necessarily universal, since they depend on the sort of SAHM, neighborhood, DC etc. So, it seems to me that the outcome, in either scenario or any other you can think up, depends on the commitment of the parents and the quality of their parenting.

For my own child, I am sure that her various othercare situations over the years were, on balance, an enrichment in her life. My certainty is based on my own observations at the time, as well as dd's recollections since then. Much as I may rake my brain, I really can't think of any way in which she would have been better off with me caring for her instead of her various caregivers. My dd is 14 and in the 9th grade. Were she hopelessly messed up, I think I would have noticed by now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 8:55am

"Can a full-time employee be class parent? "

Sure. I'm a class parent (one of two) for dd's class this year and the parent representative for ds's class on the school advisory board. We just finished our annual Christmas bazaar (a lollipop pull where everyone won something, it was a huge hit and a lot of work!) and am now organizing (with the other class parent) the class Christmas party. We'll have a couple of things to organized in spring as well.

I also had several things going on at school during the school day last month and ds stayed home a couple of days because he had a cold and just didn't feel great (no fever, just a sore throat and stuffy nose). I'm sure I'm not unique in being able to juggle work and these things....

"And I "get" to pick up playdates right after school - last week, we had a playdate everyday. "

That's pretty easy for me to do as well. Ds usually just brings home a friend as all of his age group take the bus home on their own now, but I will pick up a friend of dd's from school so that she can have a playdate. We can't manage playdates every day, unfortunately, because the kids have other activities that take up part of the week and have a couple of heavy homework/piano practice days as well. But one or the other (or sometimes both) of the kids usually at least one playdate per week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 8:56am

I agree. We have used our credit cards almost exclusively to cash. Groceries, clothes, gas, whatever. We pay off the credit card every month - always have. It is a cashflow thing. Plus, we can download our creditcard bill directly into Quicken, and therefore, save quite a bit on input time.

I feel nervous carrying more than $20-40 around.

Actually, I lied. *One* time I didn't payoff my credit card bill in full. I had bought a couch and paid it off the second month ( I was waiting for my three paycheck month in the early days of singlehood). They raised my limit the next month. *One* time I missed my payment (I was on an extended trip to England and missed it when I got back- stupid). They raised my limit the next month. In 20+ years of credit card paying those are the only two times I didn't payoff my credit card in full and those are the only two times the credit card company raised my limit without my request.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 8:58am
I agree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:04am

I have been reading here (and since I work I don't really have the time to go through each thread, sorry for that) over and over how its understandable for mom to work if she HAS to (single mom or whatever) but for moms to chose to work when they don't need to and them working just results in them having more then its not OK. Also, I have seen over and over if a SAH has a lifestyle where she has extras its OK because she stays home, but a WOH to work and have the same lifestyle...faux pas.

Yanno, I am home pretty much all day. I don't have much time for the computer myself, because contrary to popular belief, what I do is even more important and keeps me busier for the most part than anything anyone in the workaday world could even imagine! Don't bother telling me you don't have time to read through the threads. Take them one at a time instead of trying to keep up. There's no hurry, the posts are going to be there! ;) Ease up and enjoy the board some, would ya? lol!

When you say choosing to work, do you mean that the woman's family has no personal debt and she chooses to work for personal gain?

Ah, but you'll abdicate your natural responsibility of rearing your child personally to someone else over money, right?

ut theres plenty of things SAHs don't have (a job for one...)"

Yanno, I had to laugh when I read this because it's my understanding that I work in my home. I don't mind the term sahm. I don't mind being called a housewife. I don't mind because those jobs apply to what I'm doing. What they don't imply is that it's NOT a job. It's no wonder people like you don't think other people are raising your children because you think it's easy and NOT work! lol! Sure, it can be if you spend all day at the office and come home to spend a few measly hours with your family before sending the kiddies off to bed for a good 12 hours or so. It's no wonder you think it's not a job. hmmmmmm.... one has to wonder!

Yes, it certainly is. Children succeed daily without such monetary gifts which took their mothers out of the home in their formative years. Took them out of the home and left them to be raised by othercare. Took them out of the home and left them to adjust to having to find a role model to emulate during their time away from parents instead of having the best one right in front of them to teach and guide. Sure, your dd may become the best she can be but what could she be if she had you and ALL you could give instead of what you are merely willing to give? Sometimes, sacrificing is necessary to achieve the desired effect more fully. Even if it's only for a short 18 years.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:15am

I fully expect people not to agree with me. You are barking up the wrong tree, there. This is a debate board. Also, I have stated ad nauseum that this is what is best for my family, that I don't think everyone has to do what I do (I certainly don't expect that), that I respect the right for women to work out of the home if they so choose, and that I do think there is a better way to raise children and it includes mother being in the home. I haven't asked that you like it. I don't know where you think I said that, please point it out and I'll certainly correct that mistake!

I like my opinion and it's why I'm here. You like yours, yes? It's why you come here, isn't it?

You obviously don't know what to negate something means. Hurry, look it up! It's obvious there is disagreement but that doesn't negate the truth in my statements.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:20am

Sure. Where is it written that full time employees only ever work during the school day?

My cousin is the Room Mom for her daughter's class and she's a Program Manager for a US Govt. Contractor. She manages and organizes the parties, coordinates with the parents and teacher and is almost never in the classroom--*during the school day*. There are many tasks parents can perform in direct support of teachers without having to be in the classroom while school is in session.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:21am

I'm not sure what you are looking for here beyond personal recognition of the fact that you try to bully people but I've been a member of ivillage for about 4 years and have been on heated debate boards and survived swimmingly, thanks!

I'm not here to find agreement. I want to know what goes through a woman's head who leaves her children to pay for things which may or may not be necessary. In doing so, I can and will leave my ideas here.

Tell me, teach me but stop harassing me.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:26am
Sure they can! What are you suggesting the family with one income spends their money on?

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:37am

Surely you are not suggesting that I am doing this. As a lawyer, I would think you'd be pretty careful about insinuating such things directly. Very smart of you! ;)

I don't agree with people sitting on the computer either. I agree with your assessments about it contributing to the divorce rates. We have two sets of friends who are divorced because of many things including the internet.

Some days I have more time to read through the posts than others. As you can see, I'm very behind because I have more important things to do and this board is merely an amusement amid the busy life we have here.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

Pages