Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:34am

different strokes. I wouldn't be a class parent even if i was a sahm. As for being involved and knowing what they're doing in school? Nope, don't need to be a sahm for that either. I had no trouble checking their backpacks, going through their folders, talking to their teachers, listening while they are talking with their friends. In fact, it's much, much harder now given that of my 4 children, one is in high school and one is in middle school.

and sahms don't have a lock on days off, LOL! I had two days off this week because the nanny's son was sick and she couldn't come in. I left early one other day because i needed to be home to get my daughter off her bus and be home for my step-daughter. My ex came early that day to get them all off to school. Of course, this kind of flexibility comes with a 17 year work record in the same place and an administration who understands that many of us are parents and all of us have responsibilities outside of our work lives.

Oh, and we don't really need to do playdates, since the neighborhood friends either come here or my kids go to their house down the street. Of course, no one does anything like that unless homework is done.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:36am

Because she (phoenixrising687) said so.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:38am
That does seem to be the essence of her argument, because she said so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:43am
Well I don't think in the 50's it was all that uncommon for women to get married in their late teens. Did you notice that the unmarried teen birth rate went up? That is also a factor. It is one thing to have a baby and be married, and quite another to be single and have a baby. Hey sex amoung teens happens...the lucky ones don't get pregnant.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:43am
Great Post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:46am
Well I can't speak for any of her other posts. But again I try to stick to what someone says and not flip what they say into something else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:51am

Out of wedlock births across all age groups are up, except among teens. Much of the stigma is gone as are many of the advantages of marriage.

Also, in the 50s, girls were often made to give up out of wedlock kids. The fact that they birthed them did not necessarily mean that they were married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:53am

<>

In some cases I think a WOHM is abdicating her responsibilities for WOH. I certainly can see a situation of where the whole family would be better off if mom went to work. I can also see where the whole family would benefit if she didn't. Are you saying you couldn't possibly see where having a SAHP would be better for the whole family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:55am
Right, which is why I gave you a clear picture of what she has actually written in this thread. Nobody is "flipping" anything. She is being called on what she said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:56am
Doesn't offend me. Why would it? Your statement wouldn't be true in my case. It might be true in some cases. You can say what you like....if I were offended it would be because their was some truth to it. Would you be offended if I said that most WOHM are working because they have to and they weren't smart enough to marry a man that could support them SAH if they wanted to? Would you be offended?

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