Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:20pm

it is there farther down. no it does not change what you are directly responding to (especially if you didn't get farther down in the thread).

however, how can it NOT change the light in which you now see the post that you commented on?

When taken all together, her view on wohms comes through loud and clear.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:22pm

i could be wrong, but i believe that PNJ said that IN RESPONSE to the charge of wohms abdicating their parental responsibility.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:33pm

OK, last time:

1. I am not offended.

2. All that was pointed out and got a reaction is that to say, "I think SAH is best for MY kids and I prefer to SAH than to WOH;" is a completely different statement from, "I think it is best to SAH and that kids need their mothers at home with them all the time."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:38pm

Coming out of lurkdom here. I'm a working mom and I can't think of a normal situation where staying home would benefit the family more than working does. I see it more as a benefit to mom who gets an easier lifestyle. I can understand the attraction. There are days when I wish I could just hang out with my kids all day and catch up on my housework.

I'm curious as to what situations you see staying home as a benefit to the family and how that benefit is better than extra income.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:16pm
I didn't go further into the thread. So I will take your word for it. She can have her opinion about WOHM...I don't share her opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:18pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:19pm

I know this wasn't addressed to me, and I don't intend to homeschool, but I'll give an example of why SAH is so important and necessary to me. Thursday was pretty typical of all the days I spend with DS, except for the fact that it snowed for the first time in his 16 months, and in this region, it could easily be another two years before it snows again. It snowed for about one hour when I otherwise would have been working, and we played in the backyard that entire time. I can't begin to explain the incredible joy I felt sharing DS's excitement playing in the snow, and I was able to share some of it with DH through pictures and video. It's a memory I'll never forget.

Yesterday it was sunny again, and we lazed away most of the afternoon at a local park, certainly something DS could do at daycare, something DH and I do with him on weekends, but not something that we could do on a daily basis together if we were a dual WOHP family.

These are little things, not necessary things, perhaps, but things that add to my personal satisfaction as a mother, DH's feeling of involvement with his son, and I hope to DS's sense of security and well-being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:20pm
In her post that is not what she said. In the post we are referring to she said she thought it was best that mom was home. If she stated <<<"I think it is best to SAH and that kids need their mothers at home with them all the time.">>> can you show me that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:23pm

the difference? PNJ says that SHE would feel guilty by not working for not providing financially. She made no other aspersions on how other moms (those that sah) should feel.

phoenixrising has made it perfectly clear that all wohms are "abdicating their parental responsibility" by woh....Not just that SHE would be abdicating HER parental responsibility.

BIG difference.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:26pm

In our situation it makes our family life a lot less stressful. My DH is in law enforcement and he has a crazy schedule. You can never depend on his hours to be normal ever. He gets called out a lot, and has to travel from time to time. The extra income wasn't worth me working. We have seen couples that we are friends with divorce due to the stress of this line of work. The parent that isn't in LEO gets the brunt of home, and the kids. It isn't worth it.

Then are so times when one parents salary is just enough to cover childcare. So are you saying that this would be a benefit? I can honestly say that if I were working and we had our 2 children, I would never have had the time to do what I do with our homes. This year I have been taking care of my friends baby to help her out. We buy homes, fix them up and sell them. I do 90% of the design, and coordinating our contractors to do the work. If I were working we would not have done this. I would not have had the time. Me being home to do this has benefitted our family greatly. So in our case the reduced stress, and the ability to be able to manage our home things have been a HUGE benefit.

Not to mention that there is a lot more to SAH than hanging with my children, and housework. That is a sad misconception that many have about SAH.

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