Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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I'm sure I don't know what it's really like to SAH for several years.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
excuses??? LOL! Just what's in print. No matter WHO her post was too, she said that SHE would feel that she had abdicated her responsibility to provide -- not that ALL sahms do that. She spoke for herself.
whether phoenix is in that part of the thread or not, she has gone on record here in this thread as saying that ALL wohms are abdicating their parental responsibilities.
yes, big difference between the two.
anything else?
Carole
I'd have to say yes, except I wouldn't say *best*, because who knows without a double blind study?
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
< know this wasn't addressed to me, and I don't intend to homeschool, but I'll give an example of why SAH is so important and necessary to me.>
All these things I do now as a WAH mom, and also did when I was WOH - snow days when kids did not go to school or dc were spent with me or DH (dc or schools were closed). We sled, ski, make snowmen just like you sah types on those snow days - why is that so hard to understand? Most WOHMs and WOHDs that I know don't miss any of these special moments because they've built their careers around their family to incorporate a flexible work schedule around a responsible and rewarding position. Yes, both my DH and myself have chosen to forego some career advancement opportunities to attain this life, and we equally share the burden or responsibility of providing for our family. It seems to be a win-win for both of us and our employers.
Currie
And you think SAHM's spend even 5 hours a day cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and singing "Itsy bitsy spider"? Believe me, if that was what SAH life were actually like, I doubt 30% of us would still be SAHM's. Our kids would probably be pretty bored too. If I only had 50 hours a week with my child, you can bet I'd be trying to find some more creative ways to spend that time.
I still am not getting how kids sleep 4 hours during the day. What time does he go to be/ get up? I've tried and tried to get DS to go to bed later to spend more time with DH, but 8 PM is the most I've been able to stretch it. He didn't start sleeping 2 1/2-3 hours per day until he went to one nap, and it's generally closer to 2 hours.
Quote those statistics all you like; the fact is we have more time available to interact with our children if we so choose, and many of us (probably most of the SAHM's here on this board) avail ourselves of that opportunity. About 60-70 hours a week for me.
Actually it does, as with anything, positives and negatives on both sides. I can't find the other study that links child obesity with working status.
"A particularly active area of maternal employment research since 1980 has involved the comparison of dual-wage and single-wage families with respect to mother-infant attachment. In most of these studies, no significant differences were found. However, in research by Jay Belsky (and in a study by Barglow and his colleagues), although the majority of mother-infant attachments in the full-time employed-mother group was secure, the number of insecure attachments was higher when the mothers were employed full-time. Furthermore, in reviews that combined subjects across studies, full-time employed mothers were more likely than part-time employed and nonemployed mothers to have insecurely attached infants."
"It was also the case, however, that more time in child care and less stable care predicted problematic and noncompliant behavior at 24 months. On the whole, the results of this investigation have indicated that the home environment is the major influence on child outcomes, but the quality and stability of the nonmaternal care does have an effect."
"Previous research on the effects of day care suggested that although day care experience was often associated with higher cognitive competence, it was also associated with less compliance and more assertiveness with peers, both positive and negative. The NICHD study found that on multiple measures of the child's negativity and behavior problems the major variables were again the mother's sensitivity and her psychological adjustment. Both higher quality of nonmaternal care, and greater experience in groups with other children, predicted socially competent behavior. It was also the case, however, that more time in child care and less stable care predicted problematic and noncompliant behavior at 24 months. On the whole, the results of this investigation have indicated that the home environment is the major influence on child outcomes, but the quality and stability of the nonmaternal care does have an effect. "http://parenthood.library.wisc.edu/Hoffman/Hoffman.html
i'm not trying to take anything away from those memories, but I guarantee that, even as a wohm, I have just as many of those kinds of unplanned, spontaneous events. Of course, mine (when they were little) could have had just as much fun playing in the snow at dc or the preschool and it still would have been wonderful for them.
through all my woh, my kids have had a strong sense of security and well-being. of course, sometimes some forget that wohms have many, many of those kinds of days at home.
Carole
It was also no all uncommon in the 50's for first children to be "premies" no matter what their size.
The main difference between teenage pregancy in the 50's and now is in the 50's getting pregnant most often meant getting married where now it doesn't. Many of those getting married in their late teens did so because they were pregnant.
"It is one thing to have a baby and be married, and quite another to be single and have a baby."
How is someone who gets pregnant while single and marries before the birth of the baby in any way better then someone who gets pregnant while single and does not marry?
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