Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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In my case, it works out better for my family b/c my DH's job requires excessively long hours (80+ hrs a week) and some travel. My being home w/DS allows me to run the household so DH can focus on DS when he's home. And before you throw something out there about DH's long hours--he is in senior management for a financial services firm. The hours are part of the job and we knew that going into it. He loves his job, is very good at his job, and makes a good living. While he's at work, I'm taking care of DS, cooking meals, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and making sure that DH's time at home can be spent enjoying his family instead of worrying if he's got clean socks or underwear
Yeah I agree about the marriage thing. Though I think the average age women got married was 21, so there were less teenage brides than people imagine. But still...
I just cant stand when people go on and on about screwed up everything is now when in a lot ways its simply not true. And what of it is true I sincerely doubt can be attributed to WOHM's.
Just another quick point about teenage pregnancy. Teenagers living in poverty are much more likely to become pregnant that teenagers living a middle class or in a more affluent lifestyle.
So this image of selfish WOHM's causing all of the world's ills (including teenage pregnancy) by refusing to stay home with their children when they could afford to do so isnt really accurate.
Statistically those women (who wouldnt be in poverty whether they worked or they didnt) wouldnt have daughters who go pregnant anyway.
When I was a kid and we had a snow day from school (maybe 2x a winter on average in NJ) my mother or father would take off from work to hang out with us all day. My mom would make hot chocolate and bake cookies and come outside to exclaim over our beautiful fort/snow angels/snowmen. Sometimes we could lure her outside to help.
OTOH my dad refused to let us play by ourselves and insisted upon pelting us with snowballs and making a bigger fort and snowman than we did. Lol. Then when all three of us were frozen we would go in and he would make hot chocolate and bacon, scrambled eggs and toast.
Both my brother and I cherish those memories. It was one of those rare times as a child when you get to see your parents acting as carefree and excited as little kids.
So I guess my parents WOH status didnt affect my having special memories like the one you described.
I guess the difference is you're either someone who gets married for all the wrong reasons or you arent. :-)
I dont mean to be flippant, but really, does anyone think its a better idea for a 16-17 year old who gets pregnant to get married way too young, to the absolute wrong person rather than bear the child out of wedlock?
What would the purpose be? So they can have an ugly divorce a few years later? Or stay married but be unhappy and resentful? How is that beneficial at all for the child?
The benefits of working go beyond a paycheck. There are benefits like retirement funding to consider as well and the impact of a break in a career on that career.
When a woman decides to stay at home, she doesn't just give up income today, she gives up income for the rest of her life. She can never regain those years. She, basically, starts over when she reenters the work force. I'm sure there are some lucky ones who manage to pick up right where they left off but that's not what usually happens.
Then there's mom's sanity. Doing anything 24 x 7 has to be mentally taxing. Personally, I find just the interaction with adults I get from working to be well worth working. It makes me a better person and, I'm sure, a better mom.
How about the social benefits for kids? My children have always enjoyed child care where they have made many friends.
There are lots of reasons to continue to work even if your income barely covers child care.
As to my description of staying home, it is adequate. Staying home involves the same things I do on the weekends when I'm home simply every day. If I were home, I'd have more time to hang out with my kids and my house would be cleaner. I don't see what else would change. What more is there to staying home?
He sleeps 10 hours at night and 4 hours during the day.
7 pm to 5 am.
You and me both.
Statistics mean something to those of us who are continually forced to defend our choices in life.
You value SAH.
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