Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:41pm

I'm 38, for pete's sake! My oldest is nearly 17 and my youngest is just over a year.

Jungle girl: I fully understand what you are saying about doing books and all else which goes along with owning a business.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:45pm

Don't forget doctors or nurses, or electrical/phone linemen or any of the numerous other occupations that often require more than 40 hrs a week.


60 hours a week was not uncommon when my father was a lineman for one of the Baby Bells. Our relationship didn't suffer a bit. Not everyone has the option of just putting in 40 hours a week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:54pm

No, I didn't claim all that.

I was an Au Pair for a short time. I worked for a family from another country here in the USA. I didn't work through any agency. I guess I wasn't a real Au Pair, eh? lol. It was fun and provided me and the family with great experiences but it didn't suit me. I worked a short time for the department of labor in that particular state. I then went to school and I worked as a nanny to a university professor and her husband, who built Wal Mart stores. Then, I got married and I continued to nanny those three boys. Then the family moved to Canada and I stayed here. I woh in the day care industry while going to school and working in a restaurant and in the insurance industry. Then I remained working in my profession at home for 15+ years. I have worked professionally with a college education in the pre-school industry for all these years from our homes.

How is that? Not a professionally written resume, but there you have it!

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 11:55pm

Oh, goodness. You're right! It would make SO MUCH MORE SENSE for me to go back to WOH, which I didn't enjoy, and my DH to take a 40 hour a week job that he doesn't love just b/c some stranger on the internet thinks that's best. Never mind what that would do to our investments, DH's current stock options, our excellent health care coverage thru DH's employer, the decade plus of seniority he currently enjoys, not to mention that his earning power is significantly higher than mine and that our situation actually WORKS for our family. Perish that thought.


Talk about judgemental...don't waste too much time feeling sorry for us, sweetie. We're quite happy with our lives and, most importantly, so is our son. Ooooh, someone better tell him what a bad daddy he has though.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:03am

I never said it was suddenly okay for me and not anyone else.

Consider this: if a child is in othercare for 40-50 hours a week and home for what did the poster say? 128 hours? How many of those hours are sleeping hours? If the sleeping hours count as to why the wohm's shouldn't sah then they can count as a subtraction from the actual time spent at home with the parents as well. Aren't they sleeping for at least 10 hours if not more each night? And then you have the poster who insists that they are caring for the child while they are sleeping---coughs, colds, fevers and might I add--nightmares. Which of course I agree, but you can't also have that because there was the poster who said that we sahm's can't say without some begrudging that we are with our children 24/7 because part of that time they are sleeping.

What do you think? Do we keep the hours sleeping or not? I say not. Let's do away with the sleep time and see how many hours we really spend influencing our children.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:04am

I agree with you totally on the guilt thing. However, do you think guilt serves a purpose?

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:07am

When did I say my religion forbids women from working? I didn't.

Man! The board members here are full of assumptions, aren't they?

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:08am
Still assuming are you? You ought to give lessons on that! ;)

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:12am

I have stated many times why I think it's best for mom's to stay home with their children. I think many things but mostly it's the children. They need their parents to raise them personally. They need us to be the most important influence which holds influence over them, not that of others. There are other reasons. I'll get to them tomorrow maybe on Monday. For now, I'm bushed from painting all day with my kids.

Have a nice night.

"Besides this we have our living prophet, for whom I am grateful, and I hope to follow after him all the days of my life.&

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 6:26am
Beautiful post. As a sahm, we have to carve out a life that is personally satisfying too, which can be hard for some parents who would not enjoy sah full-time. We have to find the energy to bundle up the little one and get out in the snow when it would be so much easier to just pop in a Baby Einstein and watch the clock for the next naptime! Even when they were infants, I was able to take 1 then 2 of them in the stroller/pram - even in the snow with all of their extra layers of clothes - for our daily constitutionals. Now, I miss those days all of the time! It is the little things, it is the day-to-day that makes SAH special to me. We don't get the positive feedback from colleagues, raises, or a pat on the back from the boss. So days like you describe make it all worth it - and it's 100% your doing and energy. Enjoy!

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