Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:54am

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If you set your mind to SAH, you would find the patience. I don't think I'm a type-A personality, but I did SAH fresh off of a very busy job as trial lawyer in a big city. The transition was hard, but I think if you know you're going to SAH day after day, you teach yourself patience. I did.

And the mind-numbing part for me came from the sleep-deprivation, interrupted sleep, and colic - in other words, the very same things all WOHPs experience. By now your child should be on a good sleep and feeding schedule - you should be past the mind-numbing part. It's just so much easier and more fun SAH after they start to become human. I love being home with my 3 yr-old and I am saddened that my DDs are in school full-day. Having a little bit of mommy-amnesia, I sometimes reminisce about the newborn days.

<> Again, I could always go to the bathroom whenever I wanted, just not always alone! And that is just a phase too.

<>

Lordy, but that is just over-the-top dramatic! I would love to hear if your employer feels the same way about you. Will he/they cut off their fingers for you?

If you had a child with a disability who needed a parent at-home, I'm sure you would stay home. No one's career is that much a part of their inner being that they wouldn't SAH with a child who needed special help. Your priorities change when you become a parent and, like all mature adults, you resign yourself to doing what is best for your child.

<> I disagree. My kids have learned bad habits in pre-school - they do the hands-on-the-butt Shakira dance and say stuff like "like" and "for real" and other things that aren't polished in my book. But the good outweighs the bad, just like your family utilizing daycare.

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Somedays, I wish that were true! Unfortunately that is absolutely impossible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:04am

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I just can't imagine that. You're a sahm, so you know. But the kids in daycare and hopefully the instructors are NOT "varied." They are the same most everyday, week after week, with the same toys, an unfamiliar bed, or worse, a cot for napping and the same "four walls" (i.e., center or in-home dc) so to speak with the same play yard. That's just not variety, IMO. It's just not the best IMO.

My girls - who were/are very social beings too, trust me - were happiest out of the house everyday at the children's museum, aquarium, playgroups, playdates, Mommy and Me, etc. And they thrived at-home for a little daily down-time too - napping in their own beds, with their own toys around them to play with. Did you not scour the newspapers for things to do? Surely, if your son never left the house everyday, that would not be best for his socialization needs.

Did/will your son go to full-day Kindergarten?

Are you saying you were a SAHM but placed your son in full-day daycare?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:09am

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No it meant that someone who is married when they have a baby is usually in a better situation than someone that isn't. It had nothing to do with unwed sex.

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In this scenerio the one that decides to get married is still in a better state. They have a 2 parent home and have 2 parents able to provide for a child. While having a 2 parent home isn't always the case don't you think that having mom and dad together is better than a single parent situation?

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I must say that I think that the people that have an oops baby get married because they had the oops baby. There is love there, and they probably would have married regardless. I don't think I have ever met anyone that got married just because they concieved a child.

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It would depend on the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:13am
If you're seriously not exaggerating (here and in your earlier post) and you had a three-month old who was lonely, then you will have some serious work ahead of you to get him socialized and not feeling lonely after the school day ends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:15am

Look, I am NOT here to debate MY family's personal decision. Please stop nitpicking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:15am

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Let me explain this to you a little better. Let's say a police officer gets a call at 5:45 in the evening. His shift ends at 6pm. He has to go investigate the crime that he has been called to. It takes a WHOLE lot longer than 15 min. to do this. He could work anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours overtime because of this call. What about the fireman that the alarm bell rings 15 minutes before his shift is over? Think they pack up and leave when their shift is over? No they don't....they respond to the call and if that fire takes 3 hours to put out then it takes 3 hours to put out.

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Are you saying give parents special treatment because they are parents?

<>

What about when they are in school? Do they go to preschool or daycare? Does he keep them home from school on his days off? That might be the case for him, however the firemen that I know usually have a side job because they do have a lot of days off. My former neighbor had a landscaping business that he operated due to his chunks of days off, and the not so wonderful pay firemen get.

<>

Do you live in a small town? I have yet to meet a police officer, or federal agent, or anyone in civil service that has said they have regular hours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:18am
I'm curious. Can you elaborate? How did playing on the computer result in divorces? Were these women addicted to the internet?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:19am

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Excuse me? Again please don't generalize anyone's situation.

<>

Who said she was?

<>

Ut oh...you had better duck...here come the darts. This statement is a load of garbage. Let me turn this around to you. MSAHM wonder why dual WOHP have children. They think your child is being raised by DC employees. See how ridiculous this statement is? Just about as ridiculous as your statement.

<<>>

Again some people have jobs that require them to be away from home a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:23am

Please explain how one parent home makes up for the other's absence? I think I can say, in general that one parent can't substitute for the other. More of one doesn't make up for less of the other. Unless parents have now become interchangeable. Please explain how mom being there makes up for dad not being there.

Before you do, please keep in mind that my parents were divorced so I've lived a situation where one parent wasn't there much.




Edited 12/3/2006 10:32 am ET by gr8fulmom1
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:25am

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Well then you have NO CONCEPT of what being a SAHM is about. I am not here 24x7 nor is any other SAHM that I know. That would be like me saying to you that because you WOH you must get burnt out doing that 24x7. Sort of ridiculous don't you think?

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Please don't tell me what my house would be. I certainly don't tell you about the condition of your house.

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Again I used to work. I know what my house looked like when I worked and what it looks like now with children home during the day. I wouldn't quit my job either to have a cleaner house. I quit my job to SAH with my babies.

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LMAO...How do you know they dont? My one friend Amy volunteers during preschool hours at her other childs elementary school. I do that as well, as well as care for my friends infant. Another misconception that SAHM are laying around sucking society for all its worth while the kids are away at preschool. I personally love the bon bon theory.

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