Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:28am

<7 pm to 5 am. Two naps>

Ahhh, okay, that explains it. Mine has wanted to sleep until 7 AM since he was about 3 months old--if I had to get him up earlier he'd compensate by napping more or trying to go to bed earlier than 8 PM. I wouldn't mind the 5 AM wake up time--I tend to be more of a morning person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:29am
I gotta tell you that when I told my son that next year he would get to go to afterschool care her was THRILLED! He asked could he go now. LOL!!! Not to mention when he went to kindergarten he LOVED it. He loved going to school all day long and getting to meet new children. So there is one kid right there. Are your children going to hate going to school?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:32am

The police officer still doesn't have to work so many hours he's not there for family. Taking an extra hour here and there is not the issue. It's a steady diet of 80 hour work weeks and travel.

I'm saying that parents need to live up to their responsibilities. Pay and promotions are based on effort put in so the parent isn't being given special treatment. They can expect their wage increases to be less than those who put in more hours and expect fewer promotions. That situation corrects itself when the kids are older.

As a parent, I don't expect the same raises and promotions of someone who is child free and willing to work more hours than I am. They get rewarded for what they do and I get rewarded for what I do. No special treatment is needed here. You get paid for the work you do. If someone else does more, they get more.

Actually, my brother in law's kids are in school. On his days off, he's there to take them to school, volunteer at their school and pick them up from school. On the days he works, my sister in law takes them to see him at the firehouse after she gets home from work. My brother in law doesn't need a side job because my sister in law works too.

No I live in a city of population 100K+. And yes, my neighbor who is police officer keeps pretty regular hours. I see him home most evenings when I'm out for a walk. In fact, I sometimes see his cruiser in the driveway during the day too when I'm home for lunch.

That's not to say he hasn't had times when he puts in long hours. Recently, an officer was killed in crossfire and he took off out of here like a bat out of hell and I don't think he came home until the next day. Understandable under the circumstances.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:33am

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In our situation...my DH would have to do what he is doing regardless of my work status. I knew it when I married him. That is who he is and the lifestyle he leads in his career. If he doesn't do what he does then he would be fired. So when I quit my job it made my life less stressful. I can't imagine working all day then coming home to one of the infamous calls that he will be late due to work. That would put me at working all day, cooking dinner, cleaning up, doing homework, getting baths, preparing for the next day, and putting the children to bed alone more times than not. Resentment builds. We have seen it time and time again. That is how it works.

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See above.

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My parents divorced when I was 6. So I am aware of how that works. We grew up just fine. Do you have issues with living with one parent and only see the other on occasion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:35am

Interesting since my doctor and her husband manage without the long hours. My denist too. My doctor and her husband cover for each other. My dentist has logical hours. He has two late days per week when he also comes in late and two early days when he leaves early. He only works those 4 days.

Even my OBGYN managed to not work long hours by teaming up with others in the same profesion. Where there's a will, there's a way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:37am

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Yep.

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Yep.

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I dont have a teenaged daughter. I have a 4 yr old. So if someone called her a slut or a whore it would be humorous. If I did have a teenaged daughter and she wasn't a whore or slut she shouldn't be offended. It wouldn't be true.

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Yep.

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So you are offended when someone makes an untrue statement about you? Really? Seems odd to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:45am

Yes, exactly, and I'm not denying that WOHM's have thousands of similar joyous memories, shared family memories they create every single day of motherhood--my point was simply that first, in a climate where snow might show up for one hour once every couple of years, it's a memory that I couldn't have shared with my son had I been WOHFT (schools rarely are closed around here, only 3 days in the 12 years I taught); and second, that because I don't have the added priority of work, I'm free to relish playtime like this every day without needing to multi-task in my mind about what is for dinner or what's going on with the laundry. I can spend hours every day enjoying life through my child's eyes without the added demands on my time or stresses in the back of my mind that FTWOH adds. Some people thrive on that stress; I have a hard time relaxing when I'm consumed with work.

So I can see that perhaps the choice to SAH (for men and women) may largely boil down to personality along with a personal belief that available othercare options are not as good as the SAHP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:48am

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Well look at my DH paycheck he worked 98 hours in a 2 week period last pay period. That is 16 hours overtime in 2 weeks. That is a lot of overtime for most people but pretty much standard in his line of work. You didn't state 80 hours a week. He also travels with his job.

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That is special treatment.

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Maybe in your line of work. Doesn't work for all employment situations.

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She takes them to his job? What if he is on a call? I couldn't take my children to my DH job. He wouldn't be in his office much and I don't want them near where he actively works. Did I say the firemen I know have SAHW? So just because a fireman has a WOHW they don't need a side job? Hmmm interesting.

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I'd love to know what he does as a police officer. Yes some dept have trainers, and office staff but I must say I have never seen an officer that drives a cruiser at home during the day. I guess some dept are just easier.

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Was he home on duty when this happened?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:49am

"I must say that I think that the people that have an oops baby get married because they had the oops baby. There is love there, and they probably would have married regardless. I don't think I have ever met anyone that got married just because they concieved a child."

There is not always love there. Do you think that every one that has sex is in love? Most people do not marry everyone they date (especially those they date as teens), they date a few and then settle down. So minus a pregnancy there is just a likely a chance that they would have dated for awhile and then moved on as there is that they would evenually marry.

While it is very uncommon now to marry someone you don't love just because there is a baby on the way. It was not uncommon to do so in the 50's. Which is the decade we were talking about.

That was my point entirely. There is not necessarily more babies conceived outiside of wedlock now than in the 50's, the only difference is the number of marriages that result from those pregnancies. A pregnant teenager getting married in the 50's was the norm, now a pregnant teenager not getting married is the norm.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:49am
If your OBGYN delivers babies...then he/she doesn't work logical hours. If that doctor is just doing the gyn stuff then sure they work logical hours. However the OB gets tricky.

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