Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:57am

No one has said that one parent being home makes up for the other not being there. However, b/c I'm home, my husband's home time can be focused on spending time w/our son and me and not anything else.


OTOH, you're yet to come up w/a valid way for people whose jobs require mega-hours to downsize those hours

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:58am
Funny she said she wouldn't quit her job to have a cleaner house, but she expects people that have to work long hours to change their entire careers to be home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 10:59am

I've come around quite a bit on this issue since actually becoming a mother--but I still believe that a mother or father should SAH IF othercare options are substandard.I also believe they should have thought about that before having kids, though, and perhaps moved to an area with better options, perhaps a larger city? or be willing to drive further out of their way for better care? This type of situation, where a family truly has no options, would be rare, perhaps limited to rural areas.

I don't believe that one parent should SAH if they don't feel they can grow and progress as an individual being a full-time care provider for their children. I'm sure kids pick up on that vibe, just as they do when they have parents who love their jobs, who are energized by their work, and who come home refreshed and eager to spend time with their children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:02am

And my ob/gyn has yet to NOT have a holiday interrupted by a delivery. Despite the fact that she has 8 partners in her practice, she handles ALL her own deliveries, regardless of who is on call that night. Personally, I appreciate her dedication.


I know her (and her family) very well, they are none the worse the wear for her long hours. They know and accept that it's just part of the job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:09am

I'm still waiting for HOW she expects those people to cut back their hours, b/c I'm yet to see a logical solution.


My area was hit w/ice storms earlier this week. Electrical linemen have been putting in 16+ hour workdays since the storm on Thursday

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:20am

If you would give some reasons why you think your way is better, we could debate you. So far, you have offered precious little in this area, but plenty of confused statements like this one:

"I know they know what is best for theirs but that I think there is a best which isn't what they are doing ..."

Please explain what makes your way better, if you would like a real debate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:24am

So, your argument is that having a WOHM creates unecessary anxiety in the child, due to separation from the mother, and that this detracts from the child's potential greatness?

I hope you realize that this has been studied to death and does not hold, assuming the home and the DCP are both within reasonably decent and functional range (neither even has to be great, just good enough).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:31am
So, when did you start to SAH? As I understood you, you worked for 15 years. Assuming you started working even at 16, that makes you 31 before you stop working. Is that about right? Also, if you went to college, that was while you had kids, or how?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:34am

and so you RAISED those children all by yourself in the 40 or so hours per week you were employed????

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 11:40am

"I believe it is the man's position to provide first for his family. I'm a person of complete faith in God. So is my dh. We trust that when the Lord tells us that the man is to work to provide that He will provide us the tools whereby that can occur successfully."

I took that to mean that according to your faith, women are not supposed to work. If that is wrong, please explain how we are to interpret it.

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