Working for Lifestyle/Extras
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| Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am |
Hi Ladies :)
This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.
Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.
Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.
I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?
Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?
So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?
Thanks all :)

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It is quite tired and ridiculous. I'm still trying to figure out the "anxiety" that my kids were feeling at their dc and preschools. It was obvious to even the most clueless that they ran off to play with their friends once inside the door.
So Honestly, at 15, 12 and 11, WHAT should i be looking for now in their maladjustment to my working?
I'm still waiting...because for the life of me i can't figure out how they are any different from any of their cousins, friends, etc. (some had sahms, most have wohms).
Carole
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and kids of wohms have this too as they go off to dc or preschool to play all day and then come home and get to play with mom and dad.
This really can't be that difficult to understand.....
Carole
The things you describe for socialization -- parks, children's museums, occassional playgroups -- are not what I would consider adequate socialization. It would never have worked for my DS1, and I wouldn't consider it ideal for my DD.
I think children socialize better in a consistent group with consistent structure. It doesn't have to be all day every day, but often enough to allow them to be comfortable and try out their social skills. The train table at Barnes and Nobel isn't going to cut it.
Outings are great, but I would never try to use them as a substitute for a group environment.
so out of 168 HOURS per week for 18-22 years, the dcp that has the child for ONLY 40 or less hours per week (for only 1-5 years) is the one raising the child?????
that makes NO sense whatsoever.
sure the dcp or preschool looks after the child (gives care) throughout the child's time there, but the very real work of PARENTING goes WAY beyond that....It includes (but is not limited to) providing food, clothing and shelter, medical care, a good education, choosing the right dcp or preschool, teaching morals & values and religion (if that's appropriate to this family). It's sitting by their bedside when they're sick and changing them and their bedding when they have thrown up all over. It's holding their hand when they're anxious or giving a hug and kiss when they are sad. It's giving them a bath, playing a game and reading a bedtime story. It's taking them to the doctor when they have their annual check-up or an earache or need a flu shot. It's going to parent conferences, monitoring homework and helping with reading, writing and math, projects, reports, etc. It's driving back and forth to soccer practices and games, basketball practices and games, religious school twice per week. it's pushing my son (and next year one of my daughters) to study for his bar-mitzvah and throw a wonderful celebration. It's going to band concerts and chorus concerts and plays at their schools. It's paying for field trips and extra curricular activities. It's going on summer vacation or feeding the ducks or going sledding in the winter, etc. Your experiences may be different, but the theme is the same. Parenting.
DCP are wonderful people. Preschool teachers are great. NONE of what they do comes ANYWHERE near the TOTALITY that is true parenting. I haven't known any DCP or preschool teacher (including my best friend who was an in-home provider for 7 years) who thinks that they RAISE the children in their care.
Carole
One big difference is that with a SAH, the child is never without the mother. When I was a child, we played unsupervised, inside and outside from a very young age. That is no longer possible in most places, for one thing the neighbors might call the police. So, to get the kid a break from the mother, DC can be a very good thing.
Secondly, my kid is an only. I think some form of othercare that involved other children was crucial to her healthy and sound development.
You have no experience of a child who's better off in FT dc?
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
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actually, you know the feedback I get from my kids....when my 15 year old boy (who is now taller than me, LOL!) wraps his arms around me and says "I love you mom"....Yeah it's all worth it....
and i managed to do it and woh.
Carole
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