Working for Lifestyle/Extras

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Working for Lifestyle/Extras
3621
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 11:13am

Hi Ladies :)

This is my first time on this debate board and I have been dying to jump into some of the topics, but I feel as though they are sooooo long (one in particular is over 1000 replies, yikes!) that starting my own specific one might work out better.

Anyhow, a recurring theme here seems to be what Moms should and shouldn't be going to work for. It seems some are of the opinion that is OK for Mom to work if she must to pay her bills but NOT if its to afford a nice car, house, good neighborhood. This is considered keeping up with the Johnses (who are they???) and thats bad.

Well, I want to know what in the heck is wrong with a women working to have nice things? I don't mean working and leaving baby in child care 16 hours a day, everyday...thats pretty extreme.

I enjoyed a certain lifestyle before having a child, should I have downsized that lifestyle once baby came so I didn't have to work? What about me *wanting* to maintain a certain lifestyle for myself, my husband, and my child makes me a (a) workaholic or (b) striving to keep up with the Joneses?

Don't some people (like myself) simply enjoy living in a nice place with nice things and want their children to have the same experience?

So please, anyone who thinks a women is wrong for WOH if she is not doing so to financially survive but does it to maintain a certain lifestyle...whats wrong with this?

Thanks all :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:07pm
Tried and true for about a 20-year period from the start of the fifties thru the sixties.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:20pm
How about both being equally goodfor the child in most cases? What is this magical quality that makes a SAHM better than other kinds of childcare arrangements?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:25pm
<> YES!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:27pm
As far as I can understand her children are homeschooled, which is a natural extension of the belief that it is best for kids to be with their mom as much as possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:34pm

That is all I am saying. Phoenix is arguing that having a SAH is better for ALL kids, so is Tinder. That, to me anyway, is a very different argument from yours. I read yours as being basically one of finding your personal satisfaction in SAH and as you having a preference ot SAH with YOUR kid. That is perfectly understandable.

Saying that SAH is better for ALL strongly implies that to do right by their kids all parents should find a way to have a SAHP (or in phoenix's case, a SAHM).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 12:55pm

Hmmm? What's more important? Cleaning my house or raising my child? Hmmmm? Which one would I alter my lifestyle for?

Raising my children is just a weeeee bit more important than cleaning my house. I had no idea I should consider the two equivalent. (I'd insert a rolling eye icon here if I had one)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:00pm

I agree to a point. I do think people compromise their careers when they cut back but there are times when life demands that. You don't have to be going full till the entire 40 years you work at your career.

I'm sure my career is not where it would have been had I never had kids but, at this point in my life, I'm not willing to work like I did before having my children. That is reflected in my raises every year, which are not what they used to be but that's ok. It won't be long before I don't have family demands to balance with career. And even then, it doesn't matter if I do or I don't pick back up the pace of my career. It's my choice.

Most people are in position to turn down over time at least some of the time. Yes, there are emergencies but you handle those and then they're done. If a company can't handle day to day operations without working people 60+ hours a week, they need to hire more people. You can always unioinize and pressure the employer to do just that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:02pm
Did you read my post? He works with a team of OBGYN's. They plan out their schedules. When I had my babies, I knew which doctors would be on call which nights. MY OBGYN attended one birth, one of his associates the other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:03pm
That is his choice. My OBGYN's office schedules which OBGYN is on call for holidays so most of them aren't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 1:04pm
I have to agree. Either/or works for the children in most cases. There are, however, cases where mom should be working because the family struggles too much which is not good for the kids. Choosing to be poor is not a good thing for kids.

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