Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:41pm
Isn't that a riot? As if I turn them out and make them sell some crack for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:48pm

Just because you believe something is a necessity does not mean that parents are obligated to provide it for their children. CPS has defined which things parents are obligated to provide, the absence of which will give negligence or abuse charges. But none of the other things are obligations. Paying for your kids' college is not an obligation, just as taking them to church is not an obligation. Many parents will do one or both, but neither is required.

I don't think it's a good idea to let kids think that parents are literally obligated to pay for college. It's a perk that many parents are determined to give, but it's not an obligation. And letting kids think that their parents literally HAVE to pay for their college is going to give a sense of entitelement that I don't think is very healthy.

We have a college savings account for dd. Hopefully we will use it for tuition for her somewhere. But if she seems more interested in partying than studying, she will be paying her own way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:50pm

I think it totally depends on the kid. What I've seen are kids trying to do it all. They work 1-2 jobs (for spending money, books, etc), while trying to maintain a full class load and active campus life. Something has to give, and it usually winds up being their grades.

I've worked closely w/college kids since my graduation almost a decade ago. I can usually predict their GPA by the amt. of hrs they work.

I did work study a few hours a week and handled it just fine. I managed to have a resume full of campus activities and leadership positions in addition to the work study and full load of classes. However, my DH didn't have to work during the school year and graduated with a 3.89. I graduated w/a 3.56. I don't know if I would have had higher grades if I didn't have to work, but it would have been nice to have that option. I didn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:51pm
I'm just aghast that someone who would know first-hand how hard police work would say something like that. What a completely asinine comment.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:53pm
I would add shelter and as healthy an enviroment as possible to your list of obligations. But college tuition? No. It's a perk, not an obligation. Are parents who don't provide it negligent? No. This applies even if the parents can afford it. Some kids use their parents' presumed "obligation" to pay for college as a way to put off adulthood for 4 more years without the drag of parental supervision. Some wiser parents who realize they have one of those kids pull the plug on tuition and kick the baby bird from the nest- an ultimately loving thing to do.
Avatar for 4thekids2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 5:56pm

We're raising 6 kids on far less then 100K a year, a 100K in retirement with no house payment, no private school payment(which this year is more then our house payment) and minus the cost of kids should last us way more then a couple of years.

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:07pm

SO now we are going on the board police for a misspell. I am sure you knew what I meant. Geez.

As for the NC plates. They don't do that in NC. That is called profiling. It is illegal ya know. Can you let me know the stats on drug dealers from NC?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:08pm
Go re read your post. You tried to bait me. I think you are just as guilty as not being able to help yourself. Then again I wasn't the one complaining about the debtae being ridiculous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:10pm

***Your insistence that air, food & water are the only necessities doesn't change the fact that they are not, and it being true for you (which it isn't and you know it) wouldn't make it true for everyone else. No matter how many times you repeated it.***

Please show me where I said the only necessities are food air and water.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:13pm
Well your belief is wrong. Look up any community college. To be a RN 2 years at a community college.

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