Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:01pm
I can NOT do the mini-van thing either. Why do I have to when there are plenty of SUV's out there that are just as good?!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:02pm

I stop there on my way to and from Florida to sleep.

I'd much prefer South Carolina.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:04pm
No mini-van Mom here either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:16pm

Two words explain why I'm a minivan mom: power doors.

Seriously. When they make a car or suv that has power doors, I'll buy one. But I love my power doors on the minivan. And the entertainment package. I know they have them in cars now, but they didn't a few years ago when I bought the mommobile.

Of course, I realized in a discussion w/my hairdresser today that I'm no longer young or hip. She and I were discussing the current fashion trends that were popular when we were teens. They're back. And the mini-tiles that are so popular right now? The bathroom of my parents' first house had those. I saw a picture of a bathroom today in the paper. I held it up for mom and said, "Hey--didn't the bathroom of the other house look just like, except in pink?" She said, "Yes, I can't believe you remember that, but yes." And I said, "WOW! If you wait long enough, everything DOES come back in style eventually."

Anyway, both discussions made me feel old, so the mommobile is perfect. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:20pm
Oh puh-leeeeze. I don't even want to hear about how young you aren't, girlie. ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:23pm
I know alot of moms who can't do the mini-van thing either. I thought it was just me-lol!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 8:37pm

Man, I'm feeling it now though. 30 wasn't a big deal. 31 is freaking me out a little.

Fortunately, I'm the baby of most of my friends. It was all fun and games when they were 16, 18 and 21 first...but now, I'm enjoying being the "baby."

DH has been w/his company since I was 19. Shortly after he started, I remember going on a company trip and taking the "kids" fishing (I was honestly more comfortable with them than the rest of the people, save for DH, on the trip). Now all those kids, who weren't much older than my DS is now, are heading to college.

30 isn't old, but it's not young anymore, either!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 10:13pm
I did not consider school systems when I moved, but we were lucky. Our school district is very good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 07-08-2006 - 10:15pm
It was planning. Since the pregnancy was a surprise, it took a year of working opposite shifts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 12:15am

In all this talk of "choice," I can't help but wonder how you're defining the word. Yes, I could "choose" not to work and thereby "choose" to default on my large student loan payments, and likewise "choose" to lose our house or "choose" to live in a less safe neighborhood with worse schools. But is any of that really a viable choice? If you're using the word that way, anyone could choose to do anything at all - and suffer greatly for it - but it's not a practical way of discussing the real choices people face every day.

I make twice as much as my husband does, and his income alone would be half gone just by the time my student loans are paid. The rest wouldn't even cover the mortgage. No matter how low the cost of living in whatever area we moved to, it wouldn't be enough to meet basic needs - the student loan payments are a constant, no matter where we live. So, in one sense, I could indeed choose to quit my job, but if I said it was for the sake of my family, I'd be lying to myself, and if I thought it was a real choice to be made, I'd be crazy.

And why is it that when *I* work, it's considered a "choice," but it's not the same when my husband works? If anyone were going to stay at home, it should be my husband, simply for reasons of financial practicality. But would anyone expect him to? Would it be said that he's choosing to WOH when he doesn't have to? Why does he get the benefit of the doubt and the ability to fulfill himself in a productive and fulfilling occupation, but I am not afforded the same presumption of validity? I worked long and hard to get where I am now in my career, and I wouldn't give it up if I could afford to, although I can't. It's fulfilling to me and I'm a much better mother for it.

Not only that, but as someone who used to be a single mother (thus the old screen name), I choose not to make myself vulnerable by relying solely on dh's income. I've seen too many women left completely in the lurch when they SAH and then their husbands take off, or God forbid, something happens to them. Again, it is indeed a choice on my part, but in a similar sense that having insurance is a choice. It's simply an good idea and protects both me and my family.

Pages