Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 3:53pm

"i want my children to have choices as adults and those choices are going to be available with a college degree".

And we are in total agreement here. I value education (spent 8 years in University) and I think in lots of cases having that degree gives you many more opportunities in life that you would otherwise not have.

But - is it a necessity? I don't believe that at this time, in most of Canada (can't speak for the states since I don't live there), it is. And in some cases I have met some very, very financially well off people that do not have a degree. (Like the man who owned a majority of the Biotech I used to work for. And half my neighbours who work construction or oil patch labour).

Do I think this means education is not a priority, absolutely NOT. It is a PRIORITY for us. (not for all, but for us - yes). Is it a necessity, no. I think my son would survive (and maybe even succeed in life) without it.

"did you know that in some places how high up in their company you can go depends on having that college degree"

Yes, but you could still survive without going "to the top". It would not be an optimal lifestyle, but you could make it.

My cousin's husband started working for a company called Future Shop (dont know if you have those in the states) - he started doing commisions type sales, not very good pay. Now 7 years later he manages a store and makes a very, very good living. He did not go to university.

In the future - will that type of work require a degree, maybe. But there will always be some work that does not. Not everyone in the entire North America will go to university/college. That will not happen, mostly not with the cost of that education. So it stands to reason that there will always be some type of work for people who do not have a degree. I am not saying that that is the optimal lifestyle...I am just saying that the degree is not a "must have:" for survival.

josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 3:57pm

"Perhaps you would like to jump into another debate I am having with someone else and then call it ridiculous too?"

ROFL! If I thought you were debating a topic I was interested in, I would (jump into the debate, that is. I only call something ridiculous when one poster is unable to "agree to disagree").

"Then get frustrated and ask me when I am going to quit."

Frustrated? BWAH! Why would I even be remotely frustrated by someone who is so categorically uninformed as to state that "no one dies because they don't have health insurance"? Please don't flatter yourself. Again, I don't do the "I know you are but what am I" debate strategy to which you seem fond. It's pointless and unproductive. Most veteran debators know this, and simply "agree to disagree". You, on the other hand.....

"If you are frustrated or think it is ridiculous just dont reply to me or put me on ignore."

I could give the same advice to you, but I don't think you would take it. Besides, I NEVER put anyone on ignore; this board isn't so important that I feel the need to screen posters. I'm just here to goof off.

"BTW I appreciate the insult."

You're welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 4:47pm

"Please explain to me how saving for college is a necessity. No one has done it yet maybe you can tell me how that is."

That is an incorrect statement. I know many parents who have saved enough for their children to go to college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 4:52pm
But would they have gone into debt if she found another job when her job was downsized? I personally think this means you can NOT afford to stay home if you have to go in debt for it. That means everyone can stay home as long as they charge or take out loans for everyday things. That is NOT affording to live on one income, in my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:04pm

Again...I wasn't the one that called it ridiculous. I gave you the suggestion to just let it go...you didn't. If you think someone or something is ridiculous and you continue with it that is your choice.

***You're welcome.***

Not a whole lot left to say here. I tend to make sure when I am debating with someone I don't insult them. I think when debating turns to insults it is no longer *goofing off* unless you think that insulting someone is fun. I don't care to travel that path. Good luck with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:06pm

***That is an incorrect statement. I know many parents who have saved enough for their children to go to college.***

I don't think you read the statement correctly. I will rephrase. Not one person on this board has been able to explain how saving for college is a necessity. Saving for college (I personally believe) should be a priority IF the parent is planning on paying for college. However up to this point no one has yet been able to tell me how it is a necessity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:09pm

***But would they have gone into debt if she found another job when her job was downsized?***

I have no idea. I would dare to say my brother would have never ventured out to start his own business if she wasn't SAH. I am not really sure what the issue is here. They are financially better off than most people I know.

***I personally think this means you can NOT afford to stay home if you have to go in debt for it. That means everyone can stay home as long as they charge or take out loans for everyday things. That is NOT affording to live on one income, in my opinion.***

Well I never said they took out loans for everyday things. I am not sure why you think that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:13pm

For *me* and *my* family saving for college *is* a neccessity- otherwise it would be extremely difficult for my sons to be able to do it on their own. They would not qualify for any federal loans or grants. It is very difficult for an 18 year old to pay for college without funding.

We plan -and have saved accordingly- to pay for our sons undergraduate college costs. They will be responsible for their spending cash.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:24pm
That still isn't telling me that it is a necessity. It would be hard for them but possible for them to get loans and repay the debt. Just like you could get a loan and repay the debt later. Not a smart financial move, but an option. I guess I will just have to keep waiting for someone to be able to tell me how it is a necessity. I totally understand the priority for your family, because we feel it is a priority for our family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 5:25pm
Plus property taxes have a way of going up high enough to replace the mortgage.

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