Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:41pm

Some people aren't eligible for loans. My roommate isn't eligible for loans because her parents make too much money. According to the Student Loans people they should be giving her 22000/yr to live on...that's 10000 more then she needs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:43pm

I don't disagree that those are hard, physical jobs (and sometimes dangerous). But they do pay quite well and some people think its worth it. Also, I never said it was an optimal lifestyle. I just said that even without a degree you can make money and support yourself (and that was just one example of how that can be accomplished).

"Also many of them don't have the education to know how to invest properly"

Maybe some don't, but others do. And I have a few friends who are working in the oil patch or construction who would have to strongly disagree with you since they are all investing and saving (my friend's husband does construction and has saved almost a million in the last 5-6 years). He may not have a formal education, but he is one smart man. He knows he can't do it forever, but the good thing is he won't have too! He can retire soon. But yes, some people blow it all away. Don't educated people also sometimes do the same? I have seen quite a few university educated people have to declare themselves bankrupt. They had educations and were still pretty stupid with their money.

Josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:45pm

"But they're getting paid that because so many people are hurt all the time."

Just one more comment - they are also getting paid that because there is a huge shortage of labourers and that drives up the salaries. Not enough people to fill all the jobs, so to make it more attractive and to get people to move here - they pay a lot.

Edited 7/9/2006 10:48 pm ET by noah2004




Edited 7/9/2006 10:49 pm ET by noah2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:58pm

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Why shouldn't they liquidate everything to pay for their care? What else are they going to do with it? Pass it on to their loving families? PFFFT. Tough noogies.

Where exactly in the consititution does it guarantee life, liberty, and free nursing home care when you're old? I'm pretty sure it doesn't b/c it isn't the role of the government to fund elder care. I don't want my tax dollars paying for anyone's grandmother's nursing home, thankyouverymuch. I contribute to charities, but I don't want the government giving your GMIL a free ride in her nursing home to the tune of thousands a year just so your family can liquidate her assets when she's gone. That's RIDICULOUS.

Their fair share? Fair share of WHAT, exactly?

I don't get the point of having assets if you aren't willing to use them when you need them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 11:07pm

I completely agree with you that some people are stupid with their money no matter what.

I guess just from my experience the people I have met that work on the rigs - full time. I know a few who do it for the summer too. Are not very educated. Even I had a tough time talking to them, and I'm not even that well educated yet! My friend's ex had never travelled out of his town, except for the rigs, and his idea of a dream vacation was hawaii, I couldn't handle it anymore, lol. (he was the one with the cars)Another guy has I swear three teeth left, and he's getting a tatoo of his mom on one side of his chest, and his dad on the other...colourful characters.

I'm sure there are lots who are well educated, and investing well - sports stars pay people to do that, so I'm sure that some of the Oil Rig guys do to.

I agree with you also that there is a lack of labour for these jobs, but again I think that is because of the intensity and danger. I make 15/hr, sitting at a desk for the summer, I don't work very hard, although at times my work is mentally challenging. My thoughts are if I can make that not exerting myself much, then why bother...I can make enough for school (or what I have to provide for my schooling - 1/3 of the total cost). I also think it's very hard for girls to find jobs like this. Any of the girls I know in construction either drive trucks, or stand there with the "slow/stop" signs. I'm sure many people share my thoughts on the "why bother" issue and that's why there is a shortage of jobs.

As for construction, I don't know anyone it that, so I can't really comment. My friends finace pulls in 100K a year though, and already owns two homes (one in Calgary & one in edmonton) so he's prety smart & successful, but I think he's a manager/high up.

ETA: sorry i keep doing this - as for the neccessity thing, although I think that it's not a necessity for some people to have a college degree (which I take to be any type of post secondary education) I think to many it is a necessity for others. I doubt my child will be a genius able to start his/her own company, and I doubt they will have the physical clout to work on the rigs/construction. (He/she will probably be as whimpy as me, when it comes to being outdoors) So for me, when I have a kid, post secondary will not be an option, it will be a necessity.




Edited 7/9/2006 11:12 pm ET by hollyberry16
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 11:22pm

"Another guy has I swear three teeth left, and he's getting a tatoo of his mom on one side of his chest, and his dad on the other...colourful characters."

Too funny! Where do you meet these people??? (LOL)

My son, if he wants to, will also attend university. I have spent most of my life in school (highschool, undergrad and graduate school) so I am a big advocate of getting a good education. And I used to think it was the ONLY way to go. Then I started working in a company where the CEO only had a high school diploma and all my neighbours and some of my friends were millionaires (or very well off)- and none of them went to university. And here I was with a great education, not getting paid half of what they make and on top of that Dh and I had HUGE student loans. Our parents did help us, but we went to university for soo long, after a while we had no choice but to get loans. So it made me see that even though an education is very, very important for some (like me), for others it is not and they seem to manage fine without it. So that is how I have come to my own personal conclusion that it is a priority but not always a necessity.

Josee


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 11:26pm

You're right about that - it is ridiculously childless. My DH has worked in a small city, a college town, and a large urban city and there is not one night that I've slept any easier based on the "stats". Every day on the job is dangerous. It doesn't matter one whit if the odds of something happening to an officer are 1:100 or 1:10,000 - if your DH is that one.

I can't imagine the purpose in trying to win a "my DH works in a more dangerous area that you do!" contest. Some kind of inferred glory or prestige or machismo? I just don't get it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 11:58pm

But it also depends enormously on state rules.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:17am

I'm with you there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 7:54am
I don't agree. It doesn't matter if you make $400/month or $1,000/month, they take it all. My grandmother is in a nursing home. They are taking all of her money. Now, my grandfather will be going there too because he is always falling and won't be able to take care of himself. He makes alot more than my grandmother and unfortunately he will probably lose the house and all his money he gets per month because the house was not signed over soon enough (one year before you are admitted). His mind is sharp as a tack and it is so sad that he has to go to this place. It is the most depressing place I have ever gone and would NEVER want to live in a place like this when I get old.

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