Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 12:55pm
Well not all nursing homes are bad. My DH grandmother lives in a really nice one in NY. She really likes it there. She is in a similar situation as your GF. She is mentally all there but her body is in bad shape.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:15pm
ITA. I was very happy that we had the funds so that my grandmother could go to a top rate nursing home a 1/2 mile down the street from me. We did not *deserve* that money. It was her house and her money.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:18pm

I answer a question you pose to me while I'm responding to a completely different subject and I answer you. Wow, I'm a JERK!

I give up - you win.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:19pm
LOL, true! I think that once we get over the 200 post mark, it becomes one of those times :)
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:22pm

demographics are amazing, arent they? Our total house payment, including taxes and insurance, on our custom-built home, is just under $2k a month. And thats on a half acre lot to boot.

:o)

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:25pm

My grandmother was the same in the beginning. She lived on her own until she fell down right after her 90th birthday. My Dad (her only child) died suddenly before that and she was starting to decline fast. She went to the nursing home very reluctantly and pissed (there was no way i could take of her at my home). After 2 months of telling me she wanted to go home (we didn't have to sell the house until months later) home, she really started to enjoy it. They went everywhere with the residents. They went to the Olive Garden, mall, movies, useums and other outings. They had a ton of activities during the day. They had a beautiful chapel which she loved to go to and several gardens to sit in.

So, you are wrong ins tating that all nursing homes are horrible. There are horrible nursing homes. But, it takes some research to find a right one for your grandfather.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:37pm
Yes, there are some very good ones. The one my grandfather was in was excellent. The only problem was that he'd lived in his house for 46 years and wanted to keep it that way. I've known several people whose family members have been there and they all raved about it. Like anything else, there are really bad ones, and there are mediocre ones, but there are definitely good ones. You just have to do your homework.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 3:56pm
My guess is that's not a "necessity" to this one.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 4:02pm
My grandmom was the saem owned her house outright for well over 40 years. her physical condition left absolutely no choice. She wasn't "dying" but was in a wheelchair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-1999
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 4:04pm

That's great! Are you all for paying half or two thirds of your DH's salary to the federal government for that care? Or footing the bill for my GMIL's nursing home care?

I don't have a problem with caring for the elderly. I just don't want MY tax dollars to do it, particularly if said elderly has the assets to do it themselves. That's a crock.

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