Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
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| Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm |
In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).
I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.
As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.
The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.
My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.
One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.
I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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I have a coworker who brags about how his mom put most of what she owns in his name over a year ago so that she can qualify for government assisted housing (reduced rent). May have been legal, but I don't find it ethical! What you describe and what this man did are, IMO, nothing short of fraud!
Robin
You're kidding right? You may want to do a little research before you throw stuff out for debate. I've had grandparents in nursing homses and currently have a GMIL IN a nursing home. No one sells ANYTHING to the state. Assets are liquidated and then those assets are used to pay for long term care. Except in the case of GMIL. FIL is footing that bill 100%. Can you name the state agency that sends people into nursing homes to remove elderly patients' jewelry for their nursing home bills? Seriously. Can you show me credible evidence that this exists?
To answer your question on a personal level, my sister inherited grandma's wedding ring when grandma passed five years ago. My mom's wedding ring was bought by my father shortly after their teenaged elopement. While it holds tremendous sentimental value, it's monetary value is not significant. What happens to it in the future is up to my mother, although I don't see her hocking it while she's still married to daddy. Moreover, my mom is in extremely poor health. I consider every day with her a blessing. She'll die well before she needs a nursing home and well before her time, thanks.
Now for the real question. If you're asking me if I would forgo my inheritance (by liquidating their assets) to pay for my parents' nursing home--you bet I would. The homes available to medicaid patients pale in comparision to those that are available to those willing to pay. Mom and Dad's money isn't mine, it's theirs. And I would rather see it go for quality care at the end of their life then come to me when they're gone. In fact, I would pay for their nursing home myself before I put either on public assistance because I strongly believe our federal government's duty is to govern (ie--make laws) and not give handouts to people greedily trying to work the system.
Just b/c liquidating your assets w/in a certain time frame is LEGAL, doesn't make it ETHICAL. I find it akin to stealing from (1)poor people who actually NEED services (as opposed to someone who just doesn't want to pay for them w/their own money) and (2) the taxpayers who provide the funds. It is exactly that sort of mooching and working the system that causes the disgusting, bloated bureacracy we have in Washington right now.
Adultery is legal...so you must think it's ethical to screw around on your spouse then. Using your logic, legal=ethical. I disagree.
It's also a lot about attitude. When my grandma went in a nursing home at 91(the same home that her youngest daughter had died in a year earlier) we thought she wouldn't last a few months, she had always wanted to stay in her home. She made up her mind to be okay with it because she didn't want to burden her kids, she knew there was no one who could take care of her in her home. She lived a year in the nursing home and was a very easy patient because she choose to be, she never wanted to put anyone out to take care of her. She couldn't walk for the last year of her life but her mind was good. She died last year a day after a serious of strokes.
My other grandma lived with my dad for awhile and her mind actually became much clearer when she went into a nursing homem she really enjoyed it there.
I think if people spend their lives saying I never want to be in a nursing home it can make it really difficult when it becomes neccesary.
Amy
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