Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Working Mom to 2 Beautiful Kids
1070
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:13pm

In reading the other posts here, I feel the need to give my opinion (my mother-in-law's phrase - opinions are like rear-ends -- everyone has one and some stink worse than others - LOL!).

I'm an accountant. Granted, my job isn't physically demanding, but at times it is mentally challenging. There are days that I go home and I don't want to cook supper - I'd rather get a bucket of chicken or grab the family to go to the Mexican restaurant down the road to eat. I work 40 hours a week.

As for family's suffering because I work, I think it's give-and-take. Because of my income, we can afford things we wouldn't otherwise be able to have. My kids are able to take piano lessons (yes, they want to - it was their idea), one is in the band at school (who knew a clarinet costs $1,300???) and plays softball and basketball, her little brother is playing football (again, I had to fork out $65 up front - there's no telling how much more I'll have to fork out once practices start!). We drive a minivan with an entertainment system, we get to go to the beach for a week each year. My kids are flying to Dallas next week (we live in Alabama) to visit my sister for the next week. Plane tickets are expensive. All of these things we couldn't do without my income. Since both of my kids are school age, the only time I don't see them that I would if I were a SAHM is 1 1/2 hours in the afternoon during the schoolyear and during the day in the summers. I take them to school - I pick them up at 4:30.

The sacrifices we make because I work - my house isn't as clean as I would like for it to be, my house is a zoo every morning, I have a MOUNTAIN of laundry to do on Saturday, I have to wait for vacation days or holidays to repaint bedrooms or rearrange furniture.

My sister and 4 sisters-in-law all have the luxury (yes, LUXURY) of not having to work. I can't call them before 9 am because most times they aren't out of the bed yet. They call me all day long while I'm at work - "whatcha doin'?" Duh, I'm working!! One of them is on the computer on and off all day long - I know cause I'm sitting here in front of mine and I can see when she logs on and off the messenger program. They wonder why I don't have time to hit this sale or that one. Well, after working all day, shlepping the kids to 14 different activities, I really would rather not go shopping.

One other thing I don't think SAHMs realize - we working mothers aren't shirking our household responsibilities. I still have the house sitting there, waiting for me to come home to clean it. Dinner still has to get to the table. Laundry still has to be washed. Kids still have to be attended to.

I think to each his own - I was a SAHM while my 2 were babies - I couldn't imagine another woman receiving those yummy baby kisses or catching those toddler falls. But that was my preference -- as tired as I am each evening, I can't imagine coming home and taking care of a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 8:54am
The government would never make someone sell their wedding ring. The only things that go towards payment at the nursing home is any real estate and anything in a bank account. They cannot sell of your personal possessions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 8:58am

You are really taking this to an extreme. Breathe.

When I said sell something to the govt, I meant it as selling everything before Uncle Sam got hold of her assests. Good grief.

I see you avoided the question. So I will ask AGAIN. Would you want your grandmother to sell her wedding ring in order to pay for her care instead of passing it down to one of her children or grandchildren? Just go with the hypothetical.

LMAO are you seriously trying to link adultry and nursing home care? Talk about a broad leap. Tell a divorce court that adultry is legal see how far that gets you.

Again like I said you might want to take a breath. My DH grandmother is in a wonderful nursing home and is still covering her own care. She has yet to have the govt step in. If she runs out of funds before she dies then the govt will step in and she will continue to stay where she is. Just because you call something unethical doesn't make it so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 8:59am

ITA. Once my grandmother adjusted to the nursing home, she really loved it.

And you are right about their mind becoming clearer. We have a lot of elderly patients on my floor. We get report from the nursing home telling us the patient is awake, alert and oriented. They come to us completely disoriented and confused. They get used to their surroundings and get very confused when it changes. They like stability. They revert to be like kids in that they like the structure and predictablity of the nursing home. It helps them keep their sanity a little longer. Especially those with dementia.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:03am

"Would you want your mother to sell a family heirloom like your grandmother's wedding ring in order to pay for her care or would you rather her give it to you or one of your children?"


I imagine we'd all like to pass family heirlooms down through our families.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:06am
I understand that. However certain things have certain values to certain people. My DH grandmother's parents bought that land when they came to the US from Germany. She was born in the home on that land and they farmed that land her whole life. This farm holds a lot of sentimental value to her. She has had numerous offers to sell this land and has never considered selling it to anyone. My question was only posed as a hypothetical. I know that no one has to sell their wedding ring. However I think it is ridiculous for anyone to judge another because they don't want to sell something that has sentimental value to them. She wanted her children to have this land. We are flying up to see her next month. Her days are very numbered and we know our children will probably never see her again. I don't think what she wanted was unethical or wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:08am
So selling the family jewels could be used to pay for care. Would you take issue with a family that owns a lot of old jewelry that are considered family heirlooms that are worth oh say $100,000 to pay for care?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:29am
do you understand the difference between legal and ethical? are the people who are benefitting from this divestment willing to pay for her care if her money runs out or are they also okay with having taxpayers pick up the tab for her care. i dont think anyone is saying it is illegal but it is just so icky on a moral level
Jennie
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:33am
I wonder if the taxes she paid in her lifetime equate to what was paid out for her eldercare. I kinda doubt it.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:35am
then the family should make sure she has enough money for her care without the land getting involved - or perhaps they family should purchase the land from her
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:37am
That's totally irrelevant.

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