The Working Mom and Custody Issues

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 9:31pm
That is friggin horrible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 12:11am
If you work crazy long hours and dad does too, and you divorced you'd be on equal footing in a custody dispute. But if you work crazy long hours and dad is SAH or has a flexible schedule or works normal, reasonable hours, you'll be at a disadvantage and why not? Doesn't it make sense that the person who has better hours have custody? Should the kids be at home with a nanny while mom is at work and dad is at his house sitting by himself?

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-1999
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 10:14am

Can you explain what "joint physical custody" is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2008
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 1:24pm

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ds
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 2:22pm

I think there is a school of thought that joint custody requires cooperation between the parents. If the parents show no inclination to co-opperate and put their children first during the divorce and custody process, then it is likely that they will not be able to "co-parent" effectively. Having to have ones divorce and custody determined by a Judge (and not just an agreement okayed by a Judge) is a strong indication of a couple's inability to communicate or cooperate wrt their children.

When that is the case, I have heard that some judges give full custody to one parent - but liberal visitation rights to the non-custodial parent. I don't know how I feel about this kind of arrangement, but I know at least one family that went down this path and it improved a bad situation. There was nothing pretty about the custody fight or divorce. However, afterwards the custodial parent was able to give the children more stability as a result of not having to get her Ex to agree to medical and other issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 5:05pm

ITA,everything.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 9:45pm
Physical custody definitions vary from state to state. Joint physical often is a preferred term over "visitation" because parents don't "visit" their kids they have various forms of custody of their kids. Sometimes "shared physical" custody is used to mean equal (or 50/50) custody split, other times people use joint physical to mean that same thing. Sole physical means one parent has the vast majority or all of the custody time, though the other parent may be considered to have "visitation rights." There's no universal definition for these but that's the general idea.



Joint legal custody always means the same thing, that both parent have equal rights to make important decisions like educational and medical decisions. Sole legal custody means only one parent has that right.



To be honest, I'm not impressed with either situation. It never works out, the parents are always annoyed or upset with each other and the kids are stuck in the middle.



There are plenty of examples out there of successful custody situations. If parents want to keep the conflict going and put kids in the middle, they can do that no matter what custody schedule they are given. If parents want to be adult and move beyond that, they can accomplish that no matter what custody schedule they are stuck with.



If one parent has partial custody, and travels all the time so that kid is with step-parent most of the time, does this change this situation?



I'm am one such stepmom. In my dh's case their agreement does not allow for right of first refusal (ROFR) meaning dad's time is dad's time and he can appoint anyone to care for the kids during that time, same goes for mom. It works for them. Oddly, I'm one of the 2-3 people my skids mom will leave the kids with when she's unavailable, so I sometimes have them on her custody time too. With my ODD her dad and I don't have it in our divorce decree but we do generally practice ROFR. If one of us is out for a few hours it's no big deal, but if one of us were to go out of town ODD would go to the parent who is available rather than a stepparent.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for mommy2amani
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 11:41am

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Registered: 07-17-2007
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 1:13pm

I don't know. I think dual woh families living close to the edge wouldn't be able to afford two households either. So they stay together too and thus balance out the sahp who wouldn't be able to get a living wage job.

Just like the sahp family that has a sahp that could get a living wage job if they divorced balances out the dual income families that stay dual income out of choice.

IME, the people that choose to sah and continue to sah generally are in solid marriages (not to say that they don't occasionally get divorced). Plus, I have several girlfriends who specifically did not choose to sah because they had had rocky patches in their marriages and had an increased likelihood of divorce. I know very few couples who have divorced - perhaps a dozen and one was a sahm immediately prior to the divorce. One friend I know, just went back to work because she and her DH was going through a particularly rough rough patch and she wanted to make sure she was back on her feet before a possible divorce.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 1:39pm
There are a whole lot of woman making very low wages. I do not think the fact that they are in the work force gives them an advantage over a SAHM in the case of a divorce. The income or income potential (in the case of a SAHM) is what makes the difference.

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