The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
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Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 7:37am
Dh's job is like that. He has typical "corporate" hours where he is supposed to be in the office for at least 8 hours normally. However, because of his position, he has flexibility. He can work from home when he needs to, can come early if he needs to leave early, leave in the middle of the day w/o having to take "time off." Just yesterday, he left around 1:15 to attend our dd's preschool Christmas party, then afterward we went to get our Christmas tree. When we got home about 2 hours later, he worked from home for about an hour and a half. He didn't have to use vacation time for the two hours he missed, b/c he only has to "bill" a certain amount of hours per week and he exceeds that most of the time. He sometimes works after the kids go to bed.
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Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 7:42am
Nevermind - I see that my question was already asked by someone else.


Edited 12/19/2009 8:04 am ET by merella
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Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 7:51am

Dh does, esp during soccer season. He would either go in early b/c he had to leave earlier than normal four days a week, or he'd work after the kids went to bed. In his company, certain jobs have more rigid schedules, but for him, as long as he's fulfilling his billable hours, he can come and go. He normally works 8-5:30 or 6pm when he isn't coaching or have something he needs to do earlier than that, but he puts in hours sometimes at night and on weekends b/c of his position. He's in upper management and works for a global company so there are sometimes phone calls at night or proposals due where the team is working late (from each of their homes) talking by cell phone or email the whole time.

It was the same way at the last company he worked. IME, esp those in management/upper mgmt, there is a lot of flexibility.

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Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 7:55am
I should have read through the entire thread b/f I started responding and asking questions b/c others have already asked the same questions as me. Your description sounds very much like the type of schedule dh has. He has been in the telecommunications/software business for over 10 years - the first 9 with the same company. That company and the one he works with now operate the same way as yours. There are some people who have set hours b/c they are in support positions, but many more have the flexible schedules like you and dh.
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Registered: 11-22-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:48am

Too personal for whom?


Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 11:36am

You made a comparision between a parent who spends 8 hours a day vs. 2 hours a day with the child:

"I'm not making a judgement here, just that time spent with a child doesn't equal parenting....one parent could spend 8 hours a day, the other spend 2 hours a day...it doesn't mean that the parent spending 8 hours is spending all of that time parenting."

No one argued that the parent spending 8 hrs a day spent the entire time parenting, but I said that you could do a lot more parenting in 8 hours than in 2 hours.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 11:45am
Mommy and Daddy aren't caretakers of their own kids; they're parents. Even caretaking tasks are about building a relationship with your kids. It's not the same with other people's kids.
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Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 12:02pm
Even caretaking tasks are about building a relationship with your kids. It's not the same with other people's kids



I agree it's not the same. I might spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew, providing care and building a relationship, but it won't be at the same level as my own kids unless something happens and I start raising my niece and nephew.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 12:35pm
Yep, and FTR, I don't see what the fuss is about the term "primary caregiver" being used, particularly in a custody dispute. As I understand you, it just means that one parent does more caregiving than the other. I think this is mostly about semantics.
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Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 12:44pm
Me too. I think we could have a very interesting debate about the value of having a primary caregiver (or not) and the reasonableness of that person continuing as primary caregiver after a divorce (or not)... if we could just get past the semantics. It's important to make sure we know what each other means when we use a certain term, but all by itself it doesn't make for a very intellectually stimulating discussion.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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