The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
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Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:24pm

<<Yep, and FTR, I don't see what the fuss is about the term "primary caregiver" being used, particularly in a custody dispute.>>


If that's what you are getting out my posts, that's not accurate...I don't have a problem with the term primary caregiver, not at all...what I have a problem with and what I have stated over and over is that being a primary caregiver doesn't mean that the parent is parenting more, it's not an accurate way to divide custody in a custody dispute because there is so much more to parenting than tracking time spent and completing tasks.

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:26pm
The concept of primary caregiver IS a big picture thing. You are trying to reduce it individual tasks. I think because I have explained it as the person who does the larger share of caregiving, spends more time and does more tasks, is the primary caregiver. However, it can't be reduced to a single task, a section of a week, or pieces and parts of a child's life. It's the overall big picture of whether there is ONE individual primarily in charge of caring for and doing the hands-on part of raising that child. There is no need to count hours. IF there is one parent/person who is the primary caregiver it's going to be blatantly obvious to anyone living with the family or spending any time at all with the family and absolutely obvious to the kids and both parents. No need to count or measure anything or try to reduce it from a big picture thing to a small picture thing.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:27pm

Well again....If that's what you are getting out my posts, that's not accurate...I don't have a problem with the term primary caregiver, not at all...what I have a problem with and what I have stated over and over is that being a primary caregiver doesn't mean that the parent is parenting more, it's not an accurate way to divide custody in a custody dispute because there is so much more to parenting than tracking time spent and completing tasks.

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:32pm
The point is...the surface view of looking only at time spent with a child = parenting isn't accurate...just like using volunteering (or not) translates into time spent parenting.



Ok, let's try this angle.



Surface view: what you see. Reality: what really is.



The surface view MAY be accurate because the person with the child 8 hours might spend 5 of that parenting, while the parent with the child 2 hours might only spend 15 minutes parenting. The surface view might NOT be accurate if what you see is misleading, and not a true picture of what is really going on.



However, the concept of primary caregiver is not only a "surface view" thing. It can be, say as in the example of a family court judge making a determination based on he said/she said without really knowing the family well. Or, it can be more than a surface view, as in the family members themselves all agreeing that Parent A is the primary caregiver, because in reality, Parent A is.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:34pm
Dh gets paid annual and paid sick leave. He doesn't have personal days - those fall under "annual" leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:37pm
It doesn't have to be at the same level, even within parents and/or between children in the same family....it's all different levels.



Hmmm, that sounds a lot like what I said before. Different levels within my own family is exactly what I described earlier. It absolutely does not "have to be" any one way. There doesn't even "have to be" one primary caregiver. But sometimes there is.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:45pm
it's not an accurate way to divide custody in a custody dispute because there is so much more to parenting than tracking time spent and completing tasks.



Why do you say it's not an accurate way to divide custody? It'd say might be the best way in one custody situation, it might be a really bad way in another custody situation. It depends.



What do you think IS an accurate way to divide custody? Or do you think there is one? Do you think who the primary caregiver was during the marriage should be a factor at all? At this point I am not clear on what your POV is, but I'd like to know.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:49pm

I am and will continue to respond to your posts because I figure if we can get to the point you understand what I am saying and I understand what you are saying, we can actually debate the topic. I figure there is some common ground here where we can agree, and might be some areas where we disagree. We just aren't there yet.

By all means, if you want to stop then stop.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 3:53pm
How does that work? If an exec is out sick, he/she doesn't get paid for that time? There also forgo salary during their vacations? That seems a very odd way to deal with executive compensation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 4:04pm
Aren't they salaried? Do that not mean that they take home the same pay check if they take a few sick days or vacation days off? If so then they are paid for those days.

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