The Working Mom and Custody Issues

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:27pm
I do very little physical care for my children these days.....most of the care that I do with my children is emotional, social and so forth.



With little kids the caregiving is more literally hands-on, older kids it's more figuratively hands-on. Spending time with kids and doing parenting tasks isn't limited to physical care, it can include emotional, social, and so forth.



There are lots of definitions out there for what a primary caregiver are, but they all essentially mean the same thing. What is your definition of primary caregiver?

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:27pm

My tween and my almost-teen don't require much physical caregiving, but they still require supervision. I consider that caregiving.

I think our basic definition of parenting is just different. When I spend time with my kids, I *do* parent them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:46pm
which means they get paid vacation and sick.

************

Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:47pm
I think our basic definition of parenting is just different. When I spend time with my kids, I *do* parent them.



Yep. I think everyone knows there's a difference between a parent who spends no time or very little time with the kids and a parent who spends significant time with the kids, and which constitutes parenting vs. simply having the title of "parent."

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Sat, 12-19-2009 - 9:49pm

I'm not following this subthread at all, but as a parent of a teen and a couple of tweens, I parent them all the frickin' time, whether I'm with them or not.

I supervise their schoolwork, but they are responsible for it. I approve and chauffeur them to their chosen afterschool activities. I financially subsidize almost all their activities. They know that basketball and band will be supported, but the group trip to China is out of the question at this time.

I make all kind of decisions for them about what they can or can not do whether they are in my care or not. The kids and I are mostly copacetic .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 7:01am

Time spent is just time spent, it doesn't and shouldn't mean time spent parenting.


SO if you have children, and you are spending 8 hours with them..your not parenting?


I dont understand what you mean here.


I can see how some would just do nothing. But thats rare for a parent to go 8 hours (from the line above the one I quoted) and NOT parent.


The vert fact tha I supply the roof over thier head and the food in the fridge is parenting. My telling them to stop fighting is parenting. Ensuring they dont fall off the banister and break thier necks..or someone elses is parenting.


I'm confused how you can spend 8 hours a day with your own children and only parent when A) the OP comes home or B) not at all.


In this stitch if I were the OP comminghome fro work and my partner has been home NOT parenting for 8 hours and I am expected to parent from the time I walk in the door then I would be leaving.


Time spent is just time spent, it doesn't and shouldn't mean time spent parenting...


But again. by virtue of my providing the house, food, clothes, entertainment ..without even interacting for 8 hours..which I can NOT understand...I am still parenting.


I have kids from 14 to 5 years old. And I parent my 14 as much as my 5 year old..just in different manners. Homework, talking, playing games...being his sounding board for school stuff. I can not imagine him leaving me sitting on the couch twittling my thumbs for 8 hours.

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Jenna and Michael, lucky to have Adam, Mady, Aidin and Bryn.

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 7:08am

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 7:12am

Because children are pretty darn smart and can figure out that if one parent is presented in

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 8:40am

perhaps it depends on the structure of the company.


DH is salaried.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 8:52am

i agree.

 

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