The Working Mom and Custody Issues
Find a Conversation
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
| Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm |
There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

Pages
Hey, that's my dh.
to assume kids recognizes who is primary and who is secondary is an insult to smart kids who don't look at it that way.
It's the secondary that's the flaw there. Even my two year olds know who is there all day and who is only sometimes here. They know who to expect will change 95% of the diapers this week. They know who to expect will be getting them up in the morning and who most likely will be giving them a bath and putting them to bed. WIthout ever hearing the word they know I'm the primary caregiver. It does not follow that their dad is "secondary." He's a parenting equal. He can step in and do anything I can do, and sometimes does. He's working hard to provide for their daily needs and their future, even if they don't know that yet they will before too long. He's a consistent person in their lives, they trust him and love him and can count on him too. I doubt they do or will ever view him as "secondary" In terms of parenting, though absolutely there is one person who is primarily doing daily face-to-face parenting and that is me.
If we were to divorce, they might actually expect me to keep doing all those things primarily because that's what has happened so far in their lives up to now. And that's not wrong or bad, it's a reasonable thing to expect. However, the flip side would be that if we were to adjust that caregiver role and upon divorce dh was to become an equal caregiver, that would be fine too. The kids would adjust to our role shift, because dh and I truly are equal parents it would be fine. In another family, if the roles were unequal because the other parent was not as willing or as capable as a caregiver, then it might make more sense to keep it unequal and have the primary caregiver continue as primary. I don't think either approach constitutes some kind of insult to the adults or kids.
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
Because children are pretty darn smart and can figure out that if one parent is presented in
I doubt they do or will ever view him as "secondary" In terms of parenting, though absolutely there is one person who is primarily doing daily face-to-face parenting and that is me.
but to add,i don't think my kids recognize primary either.
Maybe your kids don't. Would you say that even though you are AH more, your parenting/caregiving is relatively evenly shared? Or is there a really unequally balance between you and the other parent?
My ODD wouldn't recognize primary, because there isn't one primary caregiver for her, most things are shared equally. My younger stepkids, it might depend, they could probably view it either way given how things are divided right now. My oldest stepson, he might see his mom once a week for a 1/2 hour, so that's about as unbalanced as it gets. With my toddlers, things are very uneven and although they don't have words for it, I think they recognize things are very unevenly divided for now, but given dh is an active and involved father, I doubt they will ever see him as "secondary" as though he is less in some way.
Edited 12/20/2009 1:01 pm ET by harmony08
Edited 12/20/2009 1:08 pm ET by harmony08
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
<
<>
Outside of cooking,
PumpkinAngel
Yes, I agree....I can't imagine not paying an executive for that time, but at least ime, it's simply not defined that way...they are paid regardless of what they are doing with their time.
PumpkinAngel
Oh yea, I agree....I spend just as much time parenting my tween and teen when I am not with them versus when I am with them.
PumpkinAngel
<>
For me it depends on what I'm doing during those 8 hours.....if we are all home together, most likely not....because we are all doing different things, even though we are all home together.
PumpkinAngel
<< Childcare providers do not care for the childs religious, medical, financial
PumpkinAngel
Pages