The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
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Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:27pm
I don't know.....I don't believe that I have to be with my children to parent them nor do I think that time spent at home equals parenting either, it's way more complex than hours spent = parenting, imo.



Parenting is more complex than that. Determining if there is one primary caregiver is usually not that complex though. The issue comes when people assign different meaning to being a primary caregiver.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:36pm
For me, it's what you do with the time, but it does take time actually spent with the kids. Like the other poster above, I still remember, 10 years after my dad's death, things he taught me--things I learned from spending time with him and seeing his values in action.



By contrast, I'd struggle to give you a long list of things my dad taught me. How to ride a bike. How to draw a figure eight without lifting my pen off the page. Most of everything else falls in the realm of "taught me what not to do, leading by example." I can't remember what his voice sounded like, and all the memories are very old. I bet you could go on and on about your dad, whereas I could give you a run down of every last experience in fairly short order.



As you might imagine, there is a lack of time spent together driving that.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:48pm
To limit the word to just spending time or supervising the kids is stupid. If that were true, then I guess I was raising my subordinates at work.



Of course, it's not limited to that. Which is why in a divorce or a separation they have two types of custody. One that pertains to decision making, one that pertains to a split of time.



Furthermore, you are never in a position to be raising your subordinates at work because they aren't your children. That's kind of a critical factor in whether you are raising someone, that they are in a position to be raised and you are in the role of a parent/legal guardian. You cannot raise someone without spending time with them, but spending time with someone does not constitute raising them.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances. " - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 9:41pm
I don't think anyone argued that the word should be limited to just spending time or supervising.
Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 9:44pm
I'm sorry to hear that. It really makes a difference, doesn't it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 1:48am
Actually parent as a verb is about as old, if not older, than parent as a noun. It dates back, through Middle English and Old French to Latin, derived "...from past active participle of parere, to give birth..." (American Heritage Dictionary).

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Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 1:45am

Really? Literally an arm and a leg? Which ones did they want; the right or the left?

"Literally: I do not think that word means what you think it means."

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Kitty

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Kitty

"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 11:40am

<>


Are the only types of activities in this middle/high school supervised activities?

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 11:55am

There are lots of after school activities, but they're all supervised. There aren't any after school sports or games. It's an arts magnet school.

There are many performances, but those take place in the evening, so parents have to bring kids back if they want to attend. I'm sure there are parents who drop kids off for shows and pick them up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 12:19pm

....this concept, of always have supervision for any activity for this age of students (12-18 years old) on school grounds is a bit foreign to me.

PumpkinAngel

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