The Working Mom and Custody Issues

Avatar for tickmich
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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
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Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:09pm
I was just trying to understand in what sort of situations your kids were without adult supervision. From your post I got the impression that they are sometimes home alone, i.e. without adults. it wasn't clear to me if they were also sometimes by themselves outside the house.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:28pm

I feel like my dd's school is a community, too, but the teachers who are there after school are busy supervising kids in rehearsal, tutoring, etc., or working in their classrooms. I wouldn't rely on them to supervise kids coming and going from the building to socialize, and there aren't parents hanging out there after school.

If the kids are there for a show in the evening, there are lots of parents there (as well as staff attending and supervising the show), so I'd feel better about relying on the community then. Plus, the kids are there for a specific activity, not just to hang out with their friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:30pm

ITA with you and I think it might be a double-standard also as PKA has boys. I am more cautious of my dd doing things than I know I will be with my ds.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:44pm

My kids are in 4th grade and 7th grade. The younger one doesn't stay at home alone yet (meaning when no adult is there), only the older one.

My kids do play outside or at the school across the street without me, but I don't consider them unsupervised, since I check on them or they come in now and then for snacks or whatever. They occasionally go together to pick up bread at the neighborhood place 3 blocks away without me, walk to friends' houses nearby, stuff like that. They occasionally walk home from the school/bus stop together. I'm always at home when they do something like that. Does that answer your question?

As they get older, I let them do more, but I'm not ready to let either of them hang out unsupervised with friends at school, after school, and as I said, that's not allowed anyway.

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 3:56pm
Yes, thanks, now I understand. Going to the store and playing outside by themselves are both things I would think of as unsupervised activities.

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Oscar Wilde

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Registered: 05-13-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:17pm

What type of things would you allow your son to do that you wouldn't allow your daughter?

I have both sons and a daughter, and I can not think of one thing that I would change because of their gender. Maturity level, personality type yes, gender no.

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:27pm

Perhaps there's a difference between suburban and urban school districts as well. I'm not sure what your point is. As I said, I can't debate your experience, but you can't debate mine either.

My dd's school doesn't require parents to supervise kids at school; it simply doesn't allow unsupervised kids to wander around the building, socializing or hanging out. They have to be in a supervised activity. As I've already said, there are plenty of evening events, and for those, I'm sure there are parents who drop kids off, but like your examples, these are for specific events, where there are staff there and as well. Kids aren't just hanging out or "coming and going" from the building, socializing with their friends.

I don't see why having more activities and more grades because it's a MS/HS would make any difference in the level of supervision an 11-yr-old to 14-yr-old requires. You already acknowledged that MS students have similar restrictions in your area because of "safety and problem avoidance." Why would those safety and problem avoidance issues go away just because there are HS kids there too? As I noted, most parents I know are more concerned about safety in a MS/HS *because* there are HS students there.

No, I don't understand what you mean by "direct and constant" supervision, unless you're back to your "line of sight" supervision. Does that mean line of sight?

What am I concerned about? "Safety and avoidance of problems," as you said. And it's not just me. That's the school policy here for MS students (elementary, too).

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:32pm
I am a bit baffled by that one too. Granted I just have the one girl child, but I grew up with brothers. My parents did not make a difference in what we could do, just because I was a girl. In spite of this I was fully adult when I became a mother @@ .

~~~~~ o o o ~~~~

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Oscar Wilde

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:34pm
I don't consider them unsupervised when they're outside, since I check on them. When they're at the bread store, they're unsupervised, but it's a very short time. It's a gradual process for me. If they have friends over, I supervise a bit more.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 4:35pm
I don't think it would matter to me whether it was a boy or girl. In any case, our school policy doesn't discriminate.

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