The Working Mom and Custody Issues

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:45pm

I don't know, outside of my son and a handful of others in 8th grade, the girls are still bigger than boys for the most part....the boys haven't hit the growth spurt yet.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:53pm

<>


I've been talking about three things; working in the library, hanging out with friends i the commons and hanging out with friends at activities.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:54pm

Can you go back and answer why I have a double standard?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:59pm

But....the context of this, when the "double standard" (whatever that means as it hasn't been explained) was introduced was in reference to my comments....which is middle school kids hanging out with each other in the library, commons and at games at school without direct/constant (as in a parent/teacher watching them all the time) supervision....so where does your experience in this fit into this middle school context?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:01pm
What I'm saying is that with pregnancy, boys are taking a financial and emotional risk, whereas girls are taking a financial, emotional, AND medical risk.














iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:03pm

I didn't give you an anecdote, I told you how I personal felt being a petite female and not a big, strong male. That is not stupid TYVM, and calling it stupid just makes me think you have made some seriously mistaken assumptions right off the bat.

Here's an example. We have boy/girl 4th graders, plus two teenage boys. The teenagers have groups of friends over fairly often and sometimes they sleep over. The safety of my YSS in the middle of the night crosses my mind, the safety of my ODD is something I consider longer and more often. I think there is a risk for both of them, probably fairly minor, but greater for my ODD. Here's another one: I hardly even thought about the risk to my dd when her dad got remarried, I think the risk of sexual assault by stepmom is very low. I did spend lots of time considering the risk to dd when I remarried, because the risk of a girl being assaulted by a stepfather is greater. I don't live my life expecting to reduce all risk to zero, as much as I'd like to it's not possible to live risk-free. But I do spend more time thinking and planning where the risk is higher, because thinking and planning, and sometimes having extra precautions and boundaries where they are reasonable and make sense, can reduce the risk.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:09pm

<>


That doesn't make it true, since you know I'm saying that I rely on my child to behave.


<< I rely on my kid too, but I can't control what other kids do or what situations may come up when kids are just hanging out with no adult supervision.>>


But as you said in the previous post, with staff and teachers there...you believe it to be limited supervision, why are you saying no adult supervision again?


<< But if your ds is ready to handle those situations, and the school isn't concerned about kids just socializing after school, there's really no debate.>>


Well you know, I didn't think there was much debate about me stating that I'm going to make lasagna with my son this weekend, so there you go.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:21pm

So it's only violent sexual assault you're worried about? I worry about gang violence, bullies, muggers, pedophiles, sexual predators

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:36pm
They have to be there for a reason other than just hanging out. I understand that seems odd to you, but it's typical for MS kids here.



I can't imagine why my MS stepson would hang out at his school for no reason either. He takes the bus home usually, and if not it's because he has a planned (and supervised) activity to attend, and in that case he takes the late bus or we pick him up when it's over. We don't live close enough for him to just hang out there, and besides some tennis/basketball courts there's nothing to do there once school is out, unless there is a reason like a practice, game or concert. The same is true for my HS age stepson as well, he's either in an activity, attending an activity, or on his way out of the school to get somewhere else. He certainly could hang out there with friends if he was so inclined, but there'd be no real reason or motivation to do so.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:46pm
The best thing I can do for my kids is to teach them how to be aware of their surroundings at all times, and what to do in the event that they find themselves in a bad situation. It's amazing how many people walk around in the city with their head down, looking at the pavement in front of them, nervous about their surroundings. They are the perfect target.



I heard this when I was very young and always do it when I am scared. Head up, act confident, look approaching strangers in the eye, be fully aware. It's good advice. But as a woman I also make more effort to not be alone in places/situations that are dangerous or mitigate the risk in other ways. As a man I think my risk might be being mugged and/or killed. As a woman I think my risk is being mugged, raped and/or killed (not that men aren't raped, but the risk is higher for women). It's that extra risk that makes me look for people to walk to my car with, spending an extra 20 minutes finding a closer parking space, or paying more money to park in the well lit parking lot.



I also think that as a 5'0" petite woman I look like a better "target" than even my 15 yo stepson who is almost 6'4". If I was a mugger, rapist or murder, I'd pick me over him any day of the week.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Pages