The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:48pm
I read the local paper, including the crime report, and honestly, there are many more muggings/robberies reported that involve men, than women. I don't know the actual stats, but I'd be surprised if women are more likely victims than men (rapists excluded).



Why exclude rape? That's the risk I'm most concerned about when thinking about my girls vs. the boys.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:50pm
I'm sure it depends on the guy, but my dh just doesn't have this on his radar the same way I do.
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Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:52pm
Another thing that can happen the father could not even know that he is a father.



Yep, and he could find out some years later, possibly having to pay back child support if the mother was on welfare, after missing all those years of his child's life. I know someone that happened to. There are definitely many risks on both sides when it comes to teen pregnancy.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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Registered: 05-13-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:54pm


If you think that male brawn protects one against violence, than you do have do have some

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:00pm
I agree there is limited supervision at events like games or shows, although, as I said, to me it's more the "neighborhood watch" kind of thing. However, I don't see how there is supervision by the fact that parents or teachers are in the building while kids are hanging out socializing. At a sports event or play, kids, teachers, and parents are all in the stands or in the theater together.
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Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:01pm
I thought she was referring to herself having a double standard.
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Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:02pm
I don't know, outside of my son and a handful of others in 8th grade, the girls are still bigger than boys for the most part....the boys haven't hit the growth spurt yet. In my younger son's class, 6th grade...for the most part, the girls are bigger than the boys having again started their growth spurts and the boys...not so much.



It's so far not playing out like this with my kids/stepkids. And I was only speaking for the way I approach risky situations with my own kids/stepkids, not all children. I'm the size of an average 6th grader, even now as a 39 yo woman I sometimes get mistaken for a kid. My girls appear taking after me. My ODD's father is also very short, my YDD is very small for her age and is small compared to her twin brother. My dh is 6'3" and so far his boys and the son we have together are already, or are projected to take after him.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:06pm
Yep, my dd's school is a magnet that takes kids from all over the metro area, so they take the bus. If they have an after school activity, they take the late bus or wait for a parent to pick them up. These kids are *busy*, between rehearsals, etc. (it's an arts school) and school. There's really no reason for them to be hanging out at school, and it isn't practical anyway.
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Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:10pm
But....the context of this, when the "double standard" (whatever that means as it hasn't been explained) was introduced was in reference to my comments....which is middle school kids hanging out with each other in the library, commons and at games at school without direct/constant (as in a parent/teacher watching them all the time) supervision....so where does your experience in this fit into this middle school context?



My comments in post #751 weren't related to anything you said about you, your kids, middle school, or any supposed as yet unexplained double standard (I am not even sure the double standard was about you, she said "it might be a double standard" and then additionally mentioned you have boys). It came from frogslippers saying *she* is more cautious with her dd than her ds, and that comment took off on a new tangent.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:20pm
What I'm saying is that with pregnancy, boys are taking a financial and emotional risk, whereas girls are taking a financial, emotional, AND medical risk.



I agree that the girls have that additional medical/physical risk - but as a parent I would be just as concerned about my son causing his girlfriend the additional risk as I would be my daughter experiencing that risk. So same rules for my son because I have concern for anyone he might impregnate, I'm equally motivated to prevent such a thing regardless of gender.



I once heard someone make the argument that their son should be allowed to do whatever because he was a boy even at a young age, and their daughter should not be allowed such freedoms in relationships at a young age because it would not be proper, and I just thought, gosh, you want all this respect for your own daughter but you won't teach your sons to have respect for their girlfriends? And what if all the boys the daughter dated had parents who felt the same way about their sons?

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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