The Working Mom and Custody Issues

Avatar for tickmich
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

Pages

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:28pm

The theaters and the concert hall share a space that is set up for intermissions. Refreshments are sold, and students, parents, and teachers/staff hang out there during the intermission. It sometimes spills out into the adjacent main lobby during intermission, where people can see the latest artwork. There are lots of people around.

Yes, I do see a difference between attending an event, such as a game or a show, where teachers, parents, and students are all in one place for a set purpose and time, and kids just hanging out wherever they want for no particular purpose after school. After school, there aren't parents and teachers hanging around in the lobby or halls.

No, there's no after school program, but yes, there is building security any time the building is open. There's no checking in and out, but the security guard doesn't let kids wander the halls.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:43pm

I didn't twist anything, nor did I use the term "roaming" the halls, and you yourself are the one who used the expression "coming and going" as well as "hanging out" and "socializing." Those are the terms I used.

No, I didn't agree that kids hanging out for non-events were being supervised. I agreed that attending an event where parents, teachers, and kids were all there for a specified purpose in a specified place was a limited sort of supervision. That's what happened at shows at our school, but again, that doesn't happen after school, and yes, we do have building security there anytime the building is open. I've already explained this above, and I'm not going to keep repeating myself.

If you really have no idea why parents would be concerned about 6th graders being exposed to 12th graders, I don't think I want to burst your bubble, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 12:50am
So it's only violent sexual assault you're worried about? I worry about gang violence, bullies, muggers, pedophiles, sexual predators and they know no gender.



No, I did not say sexual assault was all I worried about, I said that was the one risk that had me worried more about myself and my daughters in risky situations.



Gang violence - we have no gangs where I live.



Bullies - According to the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource center FAQ, male bullies target males and females, female bullies tend to target other girls. So girls are more likely to be targets. Additionally, smaller and physically weaker boys are more likely to be targets of bullying. We have tall, athletic boys in my family so they are less at risk from that angle. Boys are more likely to be victims of physical bullying, girls who bully have other tactics which can be just as harmful. However, my point was that the one place gender enters my parenting rules would be things like my dd walking alone somewhere. If we want to change it up and say my son was being harrassed and bullied and my daughter was not, then that would add an additional factor beyond gender that I would also consider.



Muggers - I think that both genders are at risk for this, and it would concern me, and I would factor that in to a decision to let a child of either gender go into a risky situation. However, if I was a mugger I would have a general preference for a smaller person, and a person walking alone. I can't change that I am a petite person, but I can try to mitigate my risk in other ways and so can my daughters when/where possible.



Pedophiles - According to the Counter Pedophilia Investigative Unit website: "In the United States, studies report that up to one girl in three or four has been sexually abused by age 18 and one boy in four to 10 has been sexually abused." The statistics are likely underreported, but the relationship of more female than male victims is likely to be accurate.



Abduction - Not on your list above but definitely a concern for me with my girls doing things like walking alone, or being outside unsupervised near home. Also from the CPIU website: "The average victim of abduction and murder is an approximately 11-year-old-girl, who is described as a low risk, normal kid from a middle class neighborhood with a stable family relationship who has initial contact with an abductor within a quarter mile of her home." In less than 2 years, my ODD will BE that profile.



Rape - In the US, 1 in 6 women will be the victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime, the statistic for men is between 1 in 10 and 1 in 33. 15% of sexual assault victims are under age 12, 44% are under age 18. Source: Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.



I don't think my daughter is more likely to be a victim than my sons.



After looking at the statistics above, do you still agree? Based on the make-up of my family, I'm even more certain than I was before we started discussing this.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:10am
you can't outrun a bullit.



If bullets were the only harm my children were at risk, I'd agree with you. Most risk is gender neutral, not all of it.



Why?



Because girls are victims of sexual assault more often than boys.



What if you had a son? I'm pretty sure that sf assault on a son is not insignificant. Pedophiles often target women with young boys.



Yes, I would be concerned for a son, but more concerned for a daughter because girls are victims of sexual assault more often than boys. Greater risk = greater concern for me. Greater concern = more steps taken to reduce risk.



Your personal feelings as a petite female is crap



What a lovely way of making your point. Gee thanks, I'll just throw my beliefs right out the window because you called my opinions/feelings stupid and crap. You should debate professionally, you really have skill here. Very convincing.



I am not a victim



Good. Btw, I never said you were one.



My big, bad sons will learn the same lesson. It is no different.



I think that's fine. You are entitled to your opinion. I actually don't think your opinions are stupid or crap - I have no issue with you or anyone else having a different opinion on this. I happen to disagree because I feel/believe differently, and I have explained why that is. I can't do more than that, so may just have to agree to disagree.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human



Edited 1/8/2010 2:06 am ET by harmony08
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:22am

same question


is a

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:23am
also to 10 year old boys.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:30am

confused


were you not the one to claim double standard, different rules for boys than for girls?


what age do you think this would be appropriate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:32am
you only worry about sexual assault toward your daughter?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:36am
i worry about the potential of an abusive partner, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:02am
i worry about the potential of an abusive partner, too. don't think i am more concerned about one type of violence more than another. i want son and daughter to be safe, and responsible.



Some crimes affect one gender more than the other. Where the risk is higher for a girl, I am more concerned for my daughter in regard to that particular risk. Where the risks are the same for both genders, I am equally concerned for all my children in regard to that particular risk. I want my son and daughters to be safe too, which is why the level of risk factors into my decision making.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

Pages