The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
1693
Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:31am

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Do you mean my son and his friends? If so, he tells me what he and his friends are doing, where they went in the school and who he was with, is that uncommon, iye?"

Oh, ok-lol!!! Did you always tell your parents EXACTLY what you did as a kid?

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Okay....and? I don't have a problem with my son hanging out with his friends after school in the commons, on the basketball courts out back, on the field kicking a soccer ball/throwing a football and/or watching the variety of activities that are occurring while they are there. I also don't have a problem with him going to the library after school to do his homework alone or with friends."

Obviously from your posts we have gotten that.

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No school buses. Parents pick up their children at a variety of times or the kids drive themselves home. I don't have a problem with the kids hanging out at school, why would that be a problem?"

So if these kids stay after for an activity they have no choice but to stay, correct?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:34am
ITA with you. It seems these kids HAVE to hang out and wait for parents to pick them up as they have no buses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:35am
That is why many home invasions occur, during the day and night.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:39am

I see no reason that they need to just "hang out". IME, my dd has activities after school, in the school, comes home to do homework and then sometimes activities after that someplace else.
With all the activities PKA has said her sons do, I am surprised they even have the time to "hang out" that much-shrug.

I think it all comes down to these kids have no buses to take them home so this "hanging out" is really just "waiting" for their parents to pick them up ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:41am

"You actually think you can prevent teen pregnancy by curtailing your daughter's independence? Good luck with that one."

Please post where I said this.

"As far as hanging with boys, my dd has always had friends who were of the penis-equipped variety, and she has been allowed to maintain such friendships throughout her school years. I think it is important for kids to have actual friends of the opposite sex, and not letting them be alone sends a strong message that you expect them to have sex orgies the minute your back is turned. That is not an expectation I was interested in setting."

That's great. Never said I didn't want my dd to have friends who are boys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:43am
:)
Avatar for mom34101
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:44am

Are there any restrictions on where kids are allowed to be after school at your school? It doesn't sound like it. You've mentioned going to the library, playing ball in the gym, going outside, coming back in, hanging out in the commons, going to events, whatever. Kids being in the building without anything specific to do and without anyone knowing they are there and supervising them. That sounds like "coming and going" to me, and that's how you previously described it. In our school, there *are* rules about where kids can be after school. They *must* be in a supervised activity (that means a rehearsal, club, or tutoring session where a teacher knows they are there and is supervising them) OR waiting in the (supervsied) commons for the late bus. How is that similar to what you describe going on after school?

It seems pretty obvious to me what 6th grade parents would be worried about their kids being exposed to by being with 12th graders--alcohol, drugs, smoking, language, sex, etc. HS kids have been known to experiment with these things, and that's a concern for some parents.

I've explained numerous times that I agree there is limited supervision at shows, so I don't understand why you keep harping on this. Why is it different from being in the building for no particular reason? I'll explain one more time. Most MS kids (like my dd) are brought by a parent; I'm sure there are some MS kids who are dropped off, but they would be dropped off before the show and picked up right after. There is a reason for them to be there, and they are in the same room (or an intermission area) with students, parents, and teachers the entire time. There is a security guard who doesn't let people hang out elsewhere. If that seems no different to you than the "coming and going" of kids from one activity to another, from part of the building to another, from inside to outside, ok. I don't have any trouble seeing the difference.

I'm not sure why it's important to you to believe that your school rules are like my dd's school rules, when clearly they aren't, but whatever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:45am
Or being bullied by boys AND girls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:48am
My dd goes to school early as she said they HAVE to be in class by the time the bell rings so they will go to their lockers, put away their things, get the things they need and maybe have a conversation or 2 or shame, sit in class-lol!!.
They are not "hanging" out for a hour or more with no supervision around or minimal.
Again it seems this after school "hanging" is mainly done because there are no buses and the kids are waiting for a parent to pick them up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:51am

Do you have to check the kids in/out on a daily basis for them to leave and then return to school outside of the school day?
Why would they leave and return?

For example if a parent is dropping them off at the play in the evening, who do they check in with so they aren't coming and going as they wish?
Where else would they be going if they are dropped off at a play?

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