The Working Mom and Custody Issues

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Registered: 03-26-2003
The Working Mom and Custody Issues
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Mon, 11-30-2009 - 8:24pm

There was an article in this month's Working mother magazine about wrking mom's losing custody to SAHD's.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:48pm

<<So the kids are "hanging" out because they are waiting for a ride?>>


As I just said, some certainly are....some certainly are not.

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 05-19-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:48pm

It's generally not a good idea for kids to be hanging around school unsupervised, because that is when most kids find trouble. Sometimes it is vandalism or stealing things from the school when no one is looking. Also even though they are hanging around after school, when most kids are unsupervised, that doesn't mean that will stay there--they can sneak off with other kids to smoke, do drugs, alcohol etc. (Emptynester mentioned someone getting pregnant by seeing guys at school on her lunch break). Just like you do not want your sons hanging around your home, with friends, when you are not there--when kids are at school after hours, but not in an activity, many kids tend to find this as free time to do things they should not be doing.

Not to say your kids are doing that after school. And not to say that it doesn't happen at other times. But it is generally something most parents and school faculty try to avoid. Why do that do that--because of past problems.

Your school may not have ever had that issue. The schools I have attended and worked in also are very busy vibrant buildings with community things going on after school and sports and clubs going on. But once the club/sports is done most schools don't want kids hanging about.

I was pretty much a goody 2 shoes in ms & hs, but my mom was ALWAYS late picking me up from activities. And there were a few times I had my boyfriends company during those lateness times when we were the only ones still there. Not a good thing & I didn't always use great judgment.

In the frequently relevant (to so many debates on Ivillage) words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

In the frequently relevant (to so many debates on Ivillage) words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:52pm

<>


So when I said that ds1 texted me and asked not to be picked up because he wanted to stay for the basketball games and asked to be picked up later, he was hanging with this friends watching the game....I was lying?


Wow.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:03pm

<<Because I don't see a need for kids to just "hang out" after school if they are not doing some type of activity. >>


Okay...and?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:12pm
safety is important for all people to learn, boys and girls. i want to prevent my son from being even a 1% statistic.



My point is you have to work a little harder at prevention when the risk is 30%, than you do when the risk is 1%. Different amounts of time, planning, different levels of precaution, different boundaries, etc. You don't need to do as much to mitigate a 1% risk, as you do a higher risk.



i'm a nondiscriminatory worrier.



Nondiscriminatory worrier even when the risk of something is higher? So you worry just as much about things that are LESS likely to happen as things that are MORE likely to happen? For example, you probably put children in car seats when driving, do you also spend as much time and effort to prevent a child being hit by lightening on a sunny day? Or how about health risks, do you or do you plan to go for regular mammograms, and do you encourage your husband to get regular mammograms too? Will you encourage your sons and daughters equally to have regular mammograms when they hit a certain age, even though the risk is very different for each gender? If your son decides he wants to dress as a woman and live his life that way would you have the same amount of worry and the same discussions with him as you would your daughter who got dressed up and went out? No additional concern for your son wrt to judgement by society, potential hate crimes, no difference at all in how you would prepare them to walk out that door in a dress?

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:12pm

<-->schools I have attended and worked in also are very busy vibrant buildings with community things going on after school and sports and clubs going on. But once the club/sports is done most schools don't want kids hanging about. >>


But the point is and what I have said over and over, is that since it's a middle/high school...they are many activities (clubs/sports) going on the majority of the time.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:15pm

I'm not sure I agree....I think while working to protect my sons, I also think it's my responsibility to teach them to not only protect themselves but respect and guard the boundaries of others, including their girlfriends, wives and etc whenever they have any.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:21pm
Okay....let's toss another shocking piece of my life out there to debate, lol....my ms son also wants to go to school early, most of the kids in fact arrive about 25-30 minutes before school starts.



Given the amount of cars that are arriving at the same time, he's not alone.



I'm lost as to what's bad about this...wouldn't it be a good thing if the kids want to go to school, feel comfortable there and so forth?



As long as it fits with school policy I don't have a problem with it (my teenage stepkids are allowed to do things unsupervised, within reason). My kids take the bus though, and I'm not going to drive them just so they can be their early to hang out with their friends. Their friends are on the bus anyway.



Why is it a good thing to leave as quickly as possible?



My point was just that practically speaking, they don't have a reason to. The school isn't close enough for my kids/stepkids to get their on their own, and there are better places to hang out near home or around town, no need to drive to the school so they can hang out in an empty tennis court. If there's a reason to be at the school, then they are at the school. Beyond that, they leave the school because there's no need or reason to be there.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:23pm
I was using my experience....a couple hundred children from the ages of 6th grade to 8th grade, ime...the girls are often much bigger than the boys...isn't it fairly common for girls to mature faster than boys? From my experience, boys continue to grow in high school and most girls stop in middle school....my youngest hasn't even started, he looks like a baby compared to some of the girls who are fully mature at this age and tower over him.



I don't dispute this, I'm sure it's accurate on a larger scale. I'm just saying it doesn't hold true for my family in particular.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:29pm
I have many friends who get NO child support for years. Where is a 16 yr. old girl going to get money for diapers and formula if her 16 yr. old bf is not working?



Probably from her parents. That wouldn't be my main concern if my dd got pg. For one I'd hope she would breastfeed which is free. For two I can buy diapers. My concern for either a son or daughter would be the vast ways it would change either of their lives before they are adequately prepared for it. It would impact them each differently for different reasons, but it would be a difficult thing for either of them.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human
"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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