? for working moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
? for working moms
2696
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 11:08am

My son is six months old, and I have been back to work full time for four weeks.

I became upset over the weekend when two people (who are very close to me) made comments such as: "it seems like it would be so much easier to drop your kids off at daycare and work full time than to stay home", and even worse, "it's clearly easier to work and have someone else raise your kids than stay home". Both were stated by mothers who have never been in the position of working full-time with children. I disagree thoroughly with both comments (my life is certainly NOT easier now that I'm back to work!)

So... without stiring up the hornet's nest that is the "mommy war"... I am curious, how can I respond to statements like this? Should I respond, or just let it go? How long does it take to get over hearing hurtful things like this?

Any thoughts are appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:15pm

We don't have state taxes currently (where we lived when dh collected), but we did at the time that I collected u/e.


Apparently, in some states, they deduct

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Ducky

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:16pm
I remember the old days of unemployment when you used to have to hand fill out that card and go down to the unemployment office and stand in line...oh that was humbling. now it's all on line and automated voice menus... much more impersonal in the best possible way LOL
"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:19pm

That's alright, I was just curious.


When I collected, (ages ago, lol) we lived in a state that had state and fed income tax.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:21pm

Yeah, I remember the olden days, when interviewees used to bring in their little job search log books for me to sign.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:23pm
It's very possible that it wasn't an option then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:27pm
Ditto here. We refinanced two years into a 30-year mortgage. The choices presented to us were the same choices available at the time we purchased the house--15-year, 20-year, 30-year. But refinancing with a 28-year mortgage was not an option (and I asked, because my DH absolutely refused to add two years to the mortgage). The guy at the bank told us that people trying to lower their monthly payment would take the 30-year, and those trying to take advantage of a lower interest rate to build equity faster would take the 15-year or 20-year. There may have been even shorter options--10-year or 5-year, but they were out of the question for us, so I did not pay much attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:38pm
When I looked into receiving unemployment in 2004 in Illinois, I vaguely remember there being a box on the form I had to fill out where I could choose to either have taxes taken out of each unemployment check or not. I don't remember if it was just federal or if state tax could also be taken out . . .
baby in clothes basket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:40pm
Sadly, my active job search does not require childcare. I have not had to leave the house a single time to send out a high volume of resumes and receive an even higher volume of rejection letters (for some reason, a few firms sent me multiple rejection letters from multiple offices).
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:45pm

Dh only received a handful of rejection letters.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 7:52pm

"Using* friends and family as free dc b/c one doesn't want to pay (or plan for) that expense is irresponsible, imo."

Confession: I have (while I was in school) and still am (at least I will if I ever get an interview). I admit it is irresponsible, and I have felt quite a bit of guilt about it. We have purchased gifts, even a vacation, as a thank you and it is our full intention to repay our parents for the free service before we do anything remotely luxurious ourselves. We checked in every week to verify the arrangement was still okay, and suggested repeatedly that we go to day care instead. But in my family, it's pretty typical. My grandmother watched me as an infant, while my parents were starting their careers, and we plan to do the same for our kids.

edited to clarify: I saw some clarifications in your later posts, and I was not using them for full-time. It was about 18 hours a week.




Edited 3/25/2008 7:54 pm ET by ka032006

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