? for working moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
? for working moms
2696
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 11:08am

My son is six months old, and I have been back to work full time for four weeks.

I became upset over the weekend when two people (who are very close to me) made comments such as: "it seems like it would be so much easier to drop your kids off at daycare and work full time than to stay home", and even worse, "it's clearly easier to work and have someone else raise your kids than stay home". Both were stated by mothers who have never been in the position of working full-time with children. I disagree thoroughly with both comments (my life is certainly NOT easier now that I'm back to work!)

So... without stiring up the hornet's nest that is the "mommy war"... I am curious, how can I respond to statements like this? Should I respond, or just let it go? How long does it take to get over hearing hurtful things like this?

Any thoughts are appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:02pm

Heck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 1:43pm

I saw that advertised....did anyone watch?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2006
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 4:01pm
Ignore the rude comments and use humor. You are doing what is best for your family and other opinions do not count. Good luck with the transition. Remember, NO GUILT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 4:04pm

That would be hurtful coming from someone I thought of as a friend. (With a stranger or an acquaintance, you could just say something sarcastic like "Yes, it is much easier. I wonder why more people don't take the easy road and go back to work!")


But I think you really need to talk seriously with these women before this festers into resentment that will destroy your relationship with them. I would maybe speak to them individually and tell them how awful you felt, then maybe share a little about what you have to go through to live the life you do. They truly were speaking from ignorance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 4:48pm
even 30 years ago, it would seem a little unfair to blame it on the children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 5:20pm

Oh I dunno, there have been some tacky reality shows where women switch roles, not infrequently the *perfect* SAHM being one, and the *uncaring monster who can't parent* WOHM being the other, and they take great glee in only showing the parts that re-enforce the stereotype that they've already decided on - that the WOHM's children thrive and their behavior issues disappear with a little motherly love and attention, and the SAHM's children (because they're so well-adjusted and patient, of course) tolerate the week with CEO-lady with gentle bemusement, and greet Pollyannamommy's return with a big bunch of flowers and non-judgemental desperately-trying-to-be-nice utterances about how they missed her, and CEO-lady was "a little different".


I watched that godawful show a few times until I realized that they just alternate between slob-mom/neat-freak mom, earthy SAHM/CEO-lady, and rich mom/trailer park mom, and it's all so misogynistic it stinks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:56pm

You have me confused with the op but that's ok. I've been a sahm, a wahm (while homeschooling our 3 girls) and a wohm. Right now, I'm a pt wohm and ft wahm. I've used ft dc (32-35 hours a week) while wah. And now use ft after school care even when I'm working at home. The only "guilt" I've experienced in my 30 years of being a parent (our oldest is 30 and our youngest is 10) is more of a regret that I had to sah because of our 2nd dd. The limited income and parental focus on her did short change the other 2 girls. But it was necessary so no real guilt just a wish that things had been otherwise. To clarify things, our ds is 20, 17, and 13 years younger than his sisters.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:53pm
Thanks so much for all of the thoughtful, funny, kind, and sympathetic responses. I've never posted a question (or response) before, and I can say that it was a very positive experience- I feel much better (although I need a guide for the abbreviations!). None of my close friends have children, and while they have been sympathetic while I dealt with my out of control hormones, a colicky child, and the extreme guilt over returning to work, I can't help but feel like they just don't understand. I never pictured myself being a person to use online chat rooms for support, but I guess it's just one more unpredictable way my life has changed since my son arrived!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 9:58am

I'm still friends with some of the wonderful women I first met online when my older son was born - and he's 8 and

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 10:02am
me too -- I've been close to some women on my playgroup board since it was our expecting club way back in 1998!

 

Yes. We. Did.

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