? for working moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
? for working moms
2696
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 11:08am

My son is six months old, and I have been back to work full time for four weeks.

I became upset over the weekend when two people (who are very close to me) made comments such as: "it seems like it would be so much easier to drop your kids off at daycare and work full time than to stay home", and even worse, "it's clearly easier to work and have someone else raise your kids than stay home". Both were stated by mothers who have never been in the position of working full-time with children. I disagree thoroughly with both comments (my life is certainly NOT easier now that I'm back to work!)

So... without stiring up the hornet's nest that is the "mommy war"... I am curious, how can I respond to statements like this? Should I respond, or just let it go? How long does it take to get over hearing hurtful things like this?

Any thoughts are appreciated!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:20pm
Do you know what a non-sequitur is? You just posted one. Even the best laid plans can come up short against real life. One of you could be disabled and the other lose his/her job. You could be faced with huge medical bills (yes, it can happen even if you have insurance).
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:20pm

That would be the 1st thing I would do as in the past my dh has gotten part time jobs to help pay for expenses. If I was in jeopardy of losing my house, we would do anything to make extra money first but having extra jobs.


Downsizing for us would not be cheaper as rents are more expensive than my mortgage, taxes, homeowners and utilities combined.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:21pm

But downsizing might be cheaper for other families in other parts of the country.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:23pm
You have equity. For you, downsizing might mean buying a 1BR apartment or smaller house in a town like the one PNJ posted the name of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:23pm

Better to plan (as much as you can in life)? Yes. I have owned a home since the age of 23, had 2 planned children and stayed at a job for over 10 years. I don't worry about foreclosure, bankruptcy, not affording daycare, feeding my children, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:26pm

I absolute know this. I had an unexpected medical prodecure that came to $90,000. I had insurance and only payed 3%. That is one reason I have held my own insurance for 18 years and would never not have it. My dh has been layed off from jobs, we have had low salaries than most.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:28pm

PNJ should really research towns before she names them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:29pm
Even if you DO have insurance you can get hit with catastrophic bills. Also, it is still not clear at all why just because you would hang on to your house at all cost, even risking a foreclosure, you can't comprehend that other people might choose a different solution. Why are you so convinced that a different solution is somehow bad?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:31pm
Judging from the wiki entry on that hamlet, she did not pick it out of the blue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:40pm

And you've been incredibly lucky that you and DH didn't get divorced, or have either of you suffer through a lengthy illness.


Don't get me wrong, I'm a big planner too, but there's a large element of luck involved.


Also, isn't this about taking posters where they are in life, not where they'd be if they'd followed the Hazeleyes Plan?


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