Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

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To go further with my statement of whether I would still have married my husband after 5 years (assuming his health deteriorated the way it did), I stand by my earlier statment that I probably wouldn't have married him. For one, I would never have had children with him if I had known what disabilities were to come. And I surely wouldn't have kids with him after the fact that they are already here. That is a BIG reason I wouldn't have married him if we had waited 5 years. Kids are too important to me to choose a marriage that would ensure I would never have them.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Mommy and daddy did not give me money or support me. They paid for my college, but nothing more. Talk about being nasty, I could have come up with a sarcastic comeback to your reasons for not running, but thought better of it.
Edited 9/15/2003 11:57:39 AM ET by islimshady
No, I don't think it is okay to divorce just because you "aren't in love" or "can't get along". Those things are fixable, IMO. My personal opinion, there are very few things that would warrant me divorcing my husband, and depending on the circumstances, those things might not even warrant it. Some I can think of:
* physical/emotional/verbal abuse, though it has happened to me, which is why I left my husband at one time.
* infidelity, which depending on the circumstances CAN be worked through.
* Addiction, which I would be very hesitant to put up with, regardless of the circumstances.
* Criminal behavior, which again, depending on the circumstances CAN be worked through.
My opinion is that marriage is a commitment to a lifelong relationship. living together, dating, being engaged is not.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Had we waited 5 years (or 7, like you) to get married, he would have already been disabled, both physically and psychologically. I would not have chosen to have children with him after that point. And as much as I love children, I would not have entered into a marriage that ensured I would not be able to have them. Further, I would not have entered into a marriage KNOWING 100% well that it was going to be filled with the strife that comes with my husbands illnesses. There is a BIG difference between dealing with them as they come along, and making a CHOICE to go into a marriage knowing they are 100% there and going to be there, every day of your life. Especially if children are going to be involved.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
I can totally agree to disagree. I already know that most people feel this way anyway. However, are you saying that the people I know who cheat on their spouses whenever they get the chance are more comitted than me and my SO? Also, wouldn't it also depend on the reasons for getting married? As we all know people don't always get married for love. I have a co-worker who just got engaged & I was surprised b/c he didn't seem like that type of guy. He seemed like a playboy. LOL Anyway, another co-worker told me that he told her (I know, I know, workplace gossip) that he's only getting married to please his family b/c they keep pressuring him to get married. Are you saying that once he's married, his relationship will be more of a commitment than my relationship? I understand what you're saying, about how you feel that marriage is of the utmost commitment, but to say that anyone who's married has more of a commitment to their relationship than anyone who's not married is really unfair to say, especially considering it's not true.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
So if a married couple isn't getting along & are fighting ALL THE TIME, and this has been going on for YEARS, DESPITE the fact that they've even tried fixing it by going to counseling, and they're both miserable, they shouldn't get a divorce???? It is possible to fall out of love w/ the person you're married to. It is possible for it to turn out that the person you married isn't really the one you were meant to spend the rest of your life with & I think being miserable & unhappy for years is an indicator of this.
I just HATE it when people look down upon my relationship and don't consider it important just b/c we're not married. Arrrggghhh!!!
People CAN make unhappy marriages happy again, if they are both willing to do so. Unfortunately, most people aren't. And then, there are people who are, whose spouses decide they don't want to work at it, and I believe that is a valid reason to walk. But I don't buy the "both parties want to make it work, but they can't". I have never seen it, and I just don't buy it.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
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