Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

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I could not prevent my dd from marrying at 18. But seriously, do you look at your 12yo and imagine her MARRIED in SIX years? Because I sure cant. And I would feel like I had missed something really really important in raising her, that she was looking for something we hadnt given her, if she wanted to get married at 18.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
The only reason I brought up the work of Dr. Erikson is because I was specifically called on to defend my stance based upon my studies of child development. . .so I did.
And while you could think of some choice names for me, I could do the same regarding you. . .so let's both refrain in the future. . .okay?
I'd feel like I hadn't done something right in raising my children if they were that age and weren't showing most of the signs of knowing who they are and what they want to do in the world (at least basically).
And no, I can't see her married in six years, but I also can't see her in college (as in I'm not ready for that) or in the military either and I realize that all of those things can happen. I know that in six years she will begin to make decisions that I'm not ready for. . .it's my job to prepare her between now and then to make good decisions and to be able to live (successfully) with the consequences when her decisions aren't the ones I would have made.
I am talking only about young couples h.s sweethearts who get married and start a family and have a very happy healthy and joyful life. I dont not think that college will quarantee any young person a successful marriage, family and life.
Laura
You would think that you would have learned more from your experiences rather than sugar coat them. Child development "expert" or not, you don't seem to have a very good grasp of what is best for children, or even of what children are (hint, 17 year old boys are still children!)
Edited 9/15/2003 5:34:10 PM ET by islimshady
I am so exhausted with the genre of "parents" who aren't really parents at all; they just have children to satisfy some "biological" clock "thing," then farm the kids out after six weeks to daycare centers. If you are a single parent and are about to pounce on top of my head --- get a grip. Just because you're child is having to pay for your mistakes, doesn't mean you're making the right decisions by putting them in daycare. If you're divorced, that was your decision. If you got pregnant without benefit of marriage, you must have thought long and hard about the consequences of when sperm meets egg! Either way, the daycare generation is upon us and it's carrying guns to school.
Society has shoved down our throats the myth that our children's wants and desires are paramount concerns in the home. Well, they aren't. First Priority: God. Second Priority: Husband/Wife ----THEN Children. That's the order. That's the truth. One Million child psychologists (farming their children out to daycare centers)spewing their "self-this and self-that" psycho-babble won't change the truth.
Now, actually in print, people are feeling some sort of "guilt" for finding they can't afford to pay for their children's college tuition; therefore, "should they have had children at all?" Actually, whether or not you can afford college tuition should not have been your greatest consideration for procreation. The question is evidence enough that the absence of the tools, ability, and capability to teach a child anything but selfishness, self-centeredness, and obnoxious egotism should have made your decision NOT to conceive a NO BRAINER!
College Tuition? Are you kidding? Having children graduate from high school (and all expenses involved) as honorable, responsible young adults is, absolutely, the responsibility of the parents. HOWEVER, footing the bill for college is NOT the parents' responsibility!
If a child wants to go to college, then they should (1) Prepare academically in high school to complete the courses required to be accepted into a college. High School guidance counsellors would have already met with parents and students in the child's freshman year of high school to make sure college preparation courses are scheduled and goals are made. (2) The child should research with the guidance counsellor what options are available for scholarships and/or student loans/ student work programs while enrolled in college, etc.; and, (3) Parents should assist the child in their research and application for college acceptance by filling out appropriate and required financial information the student to apply for student aid/student, loans/scholarships, etc.
Parents do not owe their children a college education, nor should they provide one. Too many children are spoon fed by their parents until the children are in their late 20s and even into their 30s in this generation. It's ridiculous and it's unfair to the children and the parents. The sooner parents stop serving their children "life" on a silver platter, the sooner their children will learn just how much that silver platter cost!
If your 18 year old "child" is still living at home without paying rent, without having a job, without having purchased his/her own vehicle, insurance, and gasoline --- SHAME ON YOU!
Are you saying that even if parents can afford to send their kids to college, they shouldn't? If so, WHY?
>>the daycare generation is upon us and it's carrying guns to school.<<
You DO realize that children of SAHPs have also committed violent acts, don't you?
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