Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

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Waiting does not make it more so but waiting does give someone the chance to find out if it was meant to be. Many people who thought it was meant to be are no longer together 5 years later (as the unanswered prayers post shows).
Was the timing of my relationship difficult. . .yes. I don't see anywhere that I've sugar coated my experience. I've been brutally open and honest here, which is much more than I can say for lots of posters. . . .
You may view the beginnings of my relationship as 'wrong' but it was not illegal.
I never claimed to be a child development expert, but was clarifying why I brought up Erikson's theories.
To be honest with you. . .with regards to your contempt of me and my husband. . . it's not that we were sleeping with anything and everything. . .we fell in love, we let our hormones take over. . .he had huge problems with his parents. . .I attempted to provide him with a safe haven rather than seeing him on the street for what *I* thought would be a short stay. . .I was wrong on that count. But loving him was not and is not wrong.
And I have a serious question for you. . .your hatred of me for my relationship is based on what? The age difference or the fact that I dared to have pre-marital sex. Would you go on and on about how he was a 'child' if I'd been younger than him? or if I'd been 18 to his 17 when we first consumated our relationship?
The whole point of this argument is that the MAJORITY of 18 yo's out there are not ready for marriage. They are still teenagers. Considering it as a valid life choice for your teenager is doing nothing more than setting them up to consider it a valid choice themselves! You *say* you wouldnt encourage your dd to do it, but you also say you consider it a *valid* choice. Which makes absolutely no sense.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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Oh yeah, right. My kids are not pigs to the slaughter becasue they attend daycare.
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Sorry, I didn't make any "mistakes." It IS the right decision to put them in daycare ... kinda hard to give them a place to sleep and food to eat if I don't.
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THAT IS BULLCHIT. I didn't choose to get divorced. My stbxh chose to be a b@stard and boink another woman. HE made that decision not I.
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I'd love to see some statistical correlation between WOHPs and guns at school. But, alas, I won't, because it doesn't exist.
f<>
Sorry, God isn't necessarily first in my life. And my marriage wasn't first either, which is part of why it failed. My children ARE first.
Hollie, who doesn't know why she lets trolls get to her
*I* was mature "enough" to be married at 18. *I* was mature enough to have children at 19 and again at 21. *I* knew EXACTLY who I was at 18, and it holds true today as well. So, to say that "an 18 yo ISNT mature *enough*" is not 100% correct. THAT is the point that a lot of us are trying to make!
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
I turned 34 yesterday and I've know for a LONG time who I was. . .and what I wanted (generally speaking) out of life. I'm not talking about anything being set in stone. . .but I don't think it's out of the realm of reality for someone to have a general idea of what they want out of life by their late teens/early 20's.
And whether or not YOU see early marriage as a valid choice. . it is a legal choice and therefore a valid choice. It may or may not be what you or I want for our children, but it is no less valid than marrying late, never marrying, delaying college, going to college early, joining the military, or any of a multitude of other legal, valid choices.
All choices in life come with consequences that must be weighed in making the decision. . .marrying early is no different.
I certainly knew how to take care of myself at 18. I hadn't *actually* lived on my own, but I had been independent enough to know *how* to do it. I had gained plenty of experience in that realm by that age.
Hollie
And you know, its not so much that I dont' know who I am now, as it is that I am becoming someone new. That happens to many of us, all the time across the world. Whether we knew who we were at 18 or not has nothing to do with whether we know who we are now.
Hollie
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