Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:56pm
Maybe that's the difference. . .I was given responsibilities for myself, to our household, and for my brother in incremental doses until I was fully capable of caring for myself at 18.

The summer I was 18 I watched my parents marriage crumble due to untreated depression. . .my mother's condition spiraled and I cared for her and my younger brother while working a full time job.

What I'm arguing is the other side of the self-fulfilling prophecy you keep throwing up at me WRT my seeing marrying early as a valid choice. If you see your 18 year old as immature and incapable of caring for themselves. . .why should they even try to take responsibility for themselves?

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 8:58pm
Well said. . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:05pm
lololol ... you and I just posted almost the total opposite posts .... that's a first!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:15pm
So, if you're unhappy in your marriage, why do you stay?
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:19pm
I disagree that we posted total opposites. . .you knew what you wanted at 18. . .but life has thrown you a curve ball and you now have the opportunity to reinvent yourself so to speak.

To me that's NOT the same thing as having no idea who you are at 18 or until 30.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:30pm
okay, you're right ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 9:41pm
And you werent looking for something you did not get at home, or trying to escape something, by marrying young?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 10:04pm
I don't think that *I* was trying to make up for something I was lacking or trying to escape my home of origin. . . My parents' marriage fell apart a full two years before my marriage and a full year before I even MET my husband.

Again, my dh and I didn't plan to marry at 21 and 18. . .but did move up the plan due to our unexpected pregnancy. Preceeding the conception, he was having trouble at home and he did leave home. I gave him someplace to stay, thinking he'd head back home. He didn't. . .we found out I was pregnant and due to the pregnancy we did decide to move up the marriage.

You could make a stronger case for my husband trying to escape his home of origin, except that he didn't marry me to get out of that situation. . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 10:11pm
i was 21 when we bought our first home, and now we have ours, a rental and two condos, so paycheck to paycheck means nothing. we have had times where it wasnt like that, and times it was, and im sure we'll have more times of both. we have three children, it happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 10:42pm
Maybe I'm just wired different but I knew who I was at 18. I felt confident with the man I fell in love with and married. Here I am, celebrating 16 years and 2 small kids later driving a mini van, living in a beautiful home, my husband is successful, and I'm getting to do what I always wanted to do, Sah and be wife and mommy. I get to travel, I get to pursue my creative side on a daily basis, I love life and adore every moment of it.

I think getting married "can" be hard, "can" be unwise, but I don't think that is universal. It is a valid choice for an 18 yo and I've watched my mother do it and I've done it and no, I can't think of a reason from personal experiences of my own, my mother, siblings, granny to advise my daughter against it. I just want her to be sure she is ready, sure she loves the man, sure she is ready for the step. You have to be a mature 18, which I was.

I don't think I can tell my dd not to do something when she sees it working in our home, in familiess around us.

S.V.

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