Would you have had kids if you couldn't
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

Pages
So, heres a question. What kind of options did your parents offer to you as ideas for what to do with your life when you grew up? Did they travel with you? Did they take you to colleges and let you check out campuses? Did they discuss career options with you?
Or were THEY also married young, living in the same town all their lives, without options or education? Was your young marriage part of a cycle, or was it outside the norm in your family? And I am not slamming your family, I am just really curious.
My parents married young and divorced when I was 4. My grandparents married young and were separated for the last 20 years of their marriage. The majority of people I know who married young are now divorced.
There has never been, nor will there ever be, discussion in my family with my children of *pros and cons* of marrying young. Because no matter HOW great it worked out for you and for virgo and whoever else insists they beat the odds, there are just NO PROS to getting married at 18. None. Its great it worked out for you, thats wonderful that you guys are happy with the way it worked out, but seeing it as a GOOD choice for your children? No way.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
While there is a correlation between a lack of education, young marriages, and poverty (which I will grant you). . .one is not a cause of the other and they don't ALWAYS go hand in hand.
The majority of people *I* know who married young AREN'T divorced. . .some are, but not all. And a good number of the ones who did divorce did so for reasons other than the typical 'I outgrew you' argument. Don't you think that maybe your experiences and my experiences are contributing to our respective views of this topic? Huh, ya think?
Though I'm not okmrs. and I married at 21 (not 18), I'll answer your other questions:
**What kind of options did your parents offer to you as ideas for what to do with your life when you grew up? They told me I could be ANYTHING I wanted to be. . .to include starting a family in my 20's.
*Did they travel with you? Probably not to the shi-shi-poo-poo places some kids get to go to. . .but yes, we traveled.
*Did they take you to colleges and let you check out campuses? Yes, well to the ONE campus I wanted to go to. . .does that tell you how decisive I was at 17 (technically I didn't turn 18 until after I started college). I knew exactly what school I wanted to go to. . .visited. . .applied. . .was accepted. . .was awarded a scholarship and went.
*Did they discuss career options with you? Yes, of course they did.
No, my parents never did much of anything with me. They never really participated in my life at all. My grandparents were pretty much my basis of life. My grandfather does have an associates degree, and I had money set aside for me for college by my great-grandparents, but they never pushed the issue with me.
>>>Or were THEY also married young, living in the same town all their lives, without options or education? Was your young marriage part of a cycle, or was it outside the norm in your family? And I am not slamming your family, I am just really curious.<<<
My parents were married in their late 30s. They were both previously married, with failed marriages behind them, however, neither of them married "young". They both had "careers", dad being a detective who CHOSE to not be promoted up to LT, because he didn't want a desk job, and knew he was happier where he was, and mom was a Respitory Therapist for over 30 years. To be honest, my parents are nothing nothing NOTHING like me! :) They were/are (dad is still alive) both very independant people, to a point that it was a detriment to their marriage.
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Yes there *IS* a correlation between young marriages, lack of education and poverty. That is ENTIRELY my point. A young marriage, aside from the FACT that it is much more likely to end in divorce, is also MUCH more likely to result in 2 uneducated parents barely making it at the poverty level, raising children in less than desirable circumstances.
No one can said there arent those out there that cannot defy the odds. There wouldnt be odds if people werent defying them-there would just be facts. But I sure as he!! dont offer early marriage as a possible option for my 12yo. We talk all the time about why its not a good idea-like I said, there are NO PROS to discuss.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
Um yeah. That's not fact. Just your opinion.
Hollie
"So, heres a question. What kind of options did your parents offer to you as ideas for what to do with your life when you grew up?"
In our home we were raised to "reach for the clouds" and be whatever we wanted to be, to pursue our lives and get what we wanted out of life.
"Did they travel with you?"
Yes. Both in the states. Abroad. Several times every year. Weekend trips were extras.
"Did they take you to colleges and let you check out campuses? Did they discuss career options with you?"
Yes and Yes
"Or were THEY also married young"
Yes. Mom was 18. Dad was 19.
"living in the same town all their lives, without options or education?"
They are from Birmingham. They moved to two other cities before returning home to Alabama. Both are college graduates.
"Was your young marriage part of a cycle, or was it outside the norm in your family?"
There have been many 18yo or 20yo getting married when you look at our family tree. No divorces.
I'll have to disagree with you because there are PROS to getting married at 18. I also see it as a good choice for my children.
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
Pages