Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:20pm
Yes
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:20pm
What is a really good reason for ANYONE to get married?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:22pm
btw...my parents were BOTH very career-driven people. My father still sees people as their careers/jobs. I am very much the "stepchild" in that aspect. Dad has never understood why I SAH, and to be honest, I don't think mom did either, though she did accept it. That life just never interested me.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:23pm
You talk about how 'wrong' it is to marry young. . .as if it were illegal. . .immoral. . .or unethical. . .

Are there challenges? YES.

But there are challenges in life. . .

The cycle of poverty and lack of education associated with young marriage is due to MUCH more than just the age at marriage. . .

Many in that situation are unaware of resources, lack emotional resources of their own, lack family support, rush into having multiple children in quick succession. . .

But the same can be said of families facing poverty and lack of formal education at older ages as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:23pm
Well, lets see .. Love for one ... And any good reason there is for a 25 yo, or a 30 yo or a 35 yo to get married can exist for an 18yo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:24pm
Hmmm, wait a minute. Out of my household we all got married young (including my parents) and I'm the only one that didn't choose to go to college (and I wouldn't have went if I hadn't gotten married until I was 35, so marrying young had nothing to do w/me not going to college, it was even going to be paid in full by my parents, so it wasn't a money issue either).

NO PROS for you or for you to give your daughter, that is fine. But this isn't universally true for all of us.

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:26pm
Bravo, excellent! S.V.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:28pm
If we took a poll, how many people who live in poverty had their first child and/or married before age 21? What do ya think the results would be???

I think it is *not advisable* to marry young. I never said wrong or immoral, so dont put words in my mouth. I think its a mistake to marry young, even if the marriage can work out, because its like purposely putting yourself in a position of hardship. And you cannot deny just how hard it can be. Why put yourself in that position if you dont HAVE to? Why see it as a viable option? Why raise your child to think it *might be okay* rather than talking to them about how it WAS very hard and YOU defied some very high odds? Why not give your children the chance to do a bit more????

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:30pm
And I dont think that the majority of 18yo's are mature enough to understand the concept of how difficult marriage is. Love isnt enough to make a marriage work.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:31pm
My husband and I actually talked about this tonight, and we both agree with what I'm about to type. The hardships in our marriage have had absolutely nothing to do with being 18 when married. I can honestly say that we have had NO hardships associated with my age.

As far as giving my children a chance to do a bit more, what exactly do you think they should have the chance to do?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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