Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:33pm
I would agree with that, but I wouldn't just include 18 year olds in that. I would say that a majority of PEOPLE aren't mature enough to really understand the concept of marriage and what it takes to make it work. But that doesn't mean it is true for everyone.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:35pm
no it isn't. at 18, 25, 30 or 35.

Hollie

Avatar for virgogirl914
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:36pm
Are you reading the words your typing and that I'm typing?????????????

YOU used the word wrong. . .I didn't put that word in your mouth. . .YOU did.

I've said over and over and over and freaking over that I talk to my children about the fact that their father and I have had to work VERY hard to maintain our marriage. I've talked about how some of that work is due to the very nature of marriage. . .and that some of it is due to our status as a military family. . .and some of it is due to our marrying young.

I also can't deny how hard it has been to be a military family. . .many here (for example in the poll on who shouldn't be parents or occupations one wouldn't choose as a parent) see it as an unadvisable option for family. . .that doesn't mean that it's wrong. It is a viable option. . .maybe not the RIGHT option for everyone, but a viable option that comes with consequences (as all decisions do).

Also, statistically, I believe that mothers in poverty are more likely to have never married, than to necessarily have married young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:36pm
But an 18yo (which we have been discussing teenagers here) is LESS likely to have an understanding than a 30 yo. Because chances are they havent had ANY life experience to use as a barometer.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for virgogirl914
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Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:38pm
No, love isn't enough. . .but it goes a hell of a long way in addition to faith, trust, friendship, respect. . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:38pm
AGain, holds true for SOME 18yo. Many do have that life experience. Maybe less than don't, but many still.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:39pm
What should they have a chance to do? Get an education? Get some job experience so they can actually support a family? Get a sense of what they want out of life and who they are?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:41pm
And as I have said again and again and again, not ALL 18 years olds are ready to handle marriage! But that doesn't negate the ones who are!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:42pm
You do realize that middle to upper class marry at 18 and have loving, successful, long-lasting marriages, don't you? (just looking for clarification as I'm reading thru this)

Purposely putting yourself into hardship? Not always. Been married 16 years now. My parents many more than that. Hardship? No. Not for us. Nor my siblings.

I can tell my kids we defied the high odds but hard, it hasn't been hard.

Give our children the chance to do a bit more? They can do whatever they dream of doing, go for the gusto!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:43pm
How many of those same poeople wold have lived in poverty if they'd stayed single and childless? My bet is a lot. Not all, not most, but a lot.

Hollie

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