Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:44pm
ITA
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:45pm
Okay, please point out the post where I specifically said that it was *wrong*. I cannot find the post where I said that.

Yes and while you are talking to your children about how hard you have worked to make your marriage last, you have said that you consider young marriage as an option for your dd. I dont. My dd knows that if she wanted to get married at 18, we'd certainly support her (ultimately) but we wouldnt be dancing in the streets over it. I'd do my best to talk her out of it, get her to wait, and find out *WHY* she was in such a hurry!

You are to be commended for working so hard on your marriage. I dont think I ever once said otherwise. But again, I would NEVER EVER EVER recommend a teen marriage as a GOOD choice for my children.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:45pm
>>>What should they have a chance to do? Get an education?<<<

One can get a COLLEGE education while married, if they so choose. Even if I hadn't married at 18, I wouldn't have gone to college back then!

>>>Get some job experience so they can actually support a family?<<<

hmmmm...I could have supported my family at 18, and I DID have job experience. I had been working FT since I was 16 years old. Would we have lived the way we live today? Nope, but we would have survived, and would not have lived in poverty or on state assistance.

>>>Get a sense of what they want out of life and who they are?<<<

I very much had knowledge of what I wanted out of life, and I knew who I was very well.

Maybe you just don't get it b/c you weren't like me at 18, I don't know, but there seems to be no "meeting of the minds" here.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:46pm
I can honestly say we've had no hardships due to our young ages either. I realize we are lucky, but I don't think we are out of the 'norm'. S.V.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:48pm
You dont think that the plethoria of teen mothers out there, marrying at 17 and having baby after baby doesnt contribute to their living in poverty? What world do you live in? A single person has choices and options-they dont have another person to care for, they CAN go to college and live in a dorm and work 3 jobs. They dont have a baby and husband/wife to consider. There is a HUGE and direct correlation between teen parenthood/marriage and poverty-not to mention lack of education. I see it every single day as a landlord, and in my dh's family. Its a vicious and sad cycle, not one I'd want my kids to get caught up in if I could help it.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:52pm
Yeah, like 10 percent of them are. Thats what I want for MY children. sure.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:54pm
What about those 18yo mothers who are married to a man that supports them and loves them. If they hadn't had that man, they might have drifted from job to job with no purpose. Having a family and a man they love made it BETTER for them.

Sure having one person to take care of instead of 2 makes it harder to be above the poverty line. I'm not stupid. But, as okmrs said, if she hadn't gotten married she wouldn't have gone to college anyway. She wouldn't have had what she does now. So her marrying actually INCREASED her standard of living and income.

<,A single person has choices and options->> Married people have options too.

<>

Again, you're lumping in uneducated 14yo unwed teen mothers with educated, 18yos with planned pregancies.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:55pm
But what if you kid is one of those 10%?
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:56pm
Here's what you said: "It can be a cycle. Because many times, those children of people who married young grow up thinking that there is nothing WRONG (my emphasis- not yours) with marrying young because, hey, their parents did it! No education needed, no life experience, no JOB experience. Lets just get married and have some kids and everything will be just peachy."

Hey. . .I didn't say it was a 'good choice'. . .but a choice. . .I don't categorize choices for my kids, however. . .I try to teach them to make good (age appropriate) decisions so that they'll be able to make bigger decisions when the time comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:57pm
Yes. The "planned" pregnancies are being forgotten. Now, we didn't have children until we married for many years, by choice. But people do marry young and desire to have kids right away. I've known these people. They are still happily married.

S.V.

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