Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:58pm
And again, my point has always been that the MAJORITY of 18yo's are NOT at that point in their lives. They just arent. You were. Wonderful for you. I wasnt. I doubt my children will be, nor would I WANT them to be. Let them go to college, travel, get a real job before they settle down and have a family. If for NO other reason than THEIR childrens sake! Thats another issue, what about the hardship of the children who are brought into teen marriages? Do you think that its fair to them?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-15-2003 - 11:59pm
An 18yo planned pregnancy. Now thats a charming picture.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:01am
Yes, it can very much be :o)

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:03am
Then I'd be incredibly thankful. But I'm not going to go around spouting off *OH its okay to marry at 18 honey, you're in LOVE, you'll figure out a way!* I'd be worried sick, I'd be concerned about any children brought into a relationship that has about a 90 percent chance of failure, and I'd wonder about what kind of future my dd and her potential children would have. She'd be making a VERY hard bed for herself, no matter if she WAS in that 10 percent. Its just not what I would want for her, and I'm not going to be an advocate of it or let her think its a *valid choice*.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:04am
You'd have to ask my daughter if she feels it was 'fair' to her. . .I know she's said she's glad we had her. . .

If her grandmother (my mom) had her way, dd1 would have been adopted by someone else or aborted. . .dd1 is glad she's ours.

I never felt 'cheated' by being the product of what was a teen marriage. I feel cheated to be the child of someone with untreated depression. . .but not the product of a teen marriage.

Don't know how else to answer that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:05am
And I'll never agree that getting married at 18 is a good age appropriate decision. So yeah, color it wrong, whatever. I want more for my children than that.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:06am
Don't put us all in that sinking boat of yours.

A hard bed? What do you mean? You do realize this is not universally true for all of us who married young?



S.V.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:08am
No more 'charming' than a 50+ year old 'planned pregnancy' via a surrogate mother a la Joan Lunden or Cheryl Tiegs (whose marriage subsequently failed. . .oh my gosh. . .someone who didn't marry at 18 whose marriage failed. . .damn, how'd that happen. ...note sarcasm in use here).
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:08am
This is what I don't get. Do you realize there are some of us that are very well off and we married really really young (or wrong as you put it)?

S.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 12:09am
Or those who wait until they are 35 to marry and then divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry, divorce, remarry..............

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