Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:24am
And you still miss the point by a mile. The point is, there arent that many 18yo's who are in the position, emotionally OR financially to make that kind of decision. Yes, there are people out there who were ready and able to make that commitment-there just arent that many of them. Be proud. You are part of a very small group.

I read a few statistics from a 2002 census report. Said that over half of marriages where one person is 18 or younger fails within 10 years. That figure drops by almost 25 percent for those that wait until they are 25. There was also a study done in Arkansas, where they noticed that there had been a drop in the overall divorce rate-they chalk it up to the drop in teen marriages.

I never said SOME 18yos werent ready for marriage. But I'm not willing to bet that my children would be in that tiny percentile. And even if they did make it, I wouldnt want that kind of hard young life for them.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:26am
And I never said I wouldnt get past it. That is part of being supportive as a parent. No, being sad doesnt do any good for ANYTHING. But its a human emotion that people have.

Again, I'm not your mother.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:51am
The problem with your statistic is that you are comparing it is 18 and younger. We are talking 18-19 or even through 23.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 1:52am
btw...can you not comprehend that not all people who marry "early" have such "hard lives"?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 5:07am
I don't think you need a high paying job or to marry money to come up with 12K. Someone who makes 24K can save 12K if it is their wish to climb Mt. Everest.

BTW, get your dh a subscription to Outside magazine. It is significantly cheaper than climbing Mt. Everest. The three or four obituaries per issue is enough to keep me away from Mt. Everest!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:21am
Well, you certainly don't have to buy it, but I can assure you my ex and I gave it our absolute best and we DID want to make it work because neither of us wanted our son to deal with the fallout of our breakup.

Didn't work out. Why? We aren't right for each other. He's a dear, sweet friend of mine and always will be...and probably more than he might have been otherwise because we've shared so much in trying to make things work. But it doesn't change the fact that together we don't work....even wanting it to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:26am
A great deal depends on your definition of mediocre, doesn't it?

I'd take high standards of a comfy, warm, cozy home (no bigger than 1500 sq ft), family, and Trivial Pursuit on the weekends with friends while the kids eat popcorn and watch videos, over the mediocrity of club hopping in Manhattan, being on TV, or pursuing an advanced degree for the sake of having an advanced degree any day of the week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:37am
What is a pro to getting married at 18?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 6:43am
Love is a good reason to get married at any age but it is not a pro for getting married at 18. A pro would be something that makes getting married at 18 a better choice then getting married at another age. Getting married at an older age has the pro of a much better chance of having a life long marriage. What is a pro to getting married at 18?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 7:38am
I don't think any of us would <>. None of us have *advocated* such a situation for our own children.

<>

I would be too. But then, I'd worry if she was 25 or 30 too. Maybe not as much.

<>

Agreed. Life is hard. Learn to deal with it.

<>

Neither am I.

<>

It is a valid choice.

Hollie

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