Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 7:38am
Nice post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 7:39am
So who are you angry at that you're projecting all this anger onto us? And potentially onto your kids should they choose to marry young?

Hollie

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 8:17am
When I 'say' this it's going to sound like I think people SHOULD marry early . . .I don't.

But in many cases if you are married early, you definitely qualify as independent from your parents in terms of financial aid for college.

Another pro to marrying rather than waiting to do so might include qualifying for insurance as a couple. In my case, I cobra'd my father's insurance until I married my husband when what was then Champus covered me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 8:26am
Those I would take as pros for marrying rather then putting it off. But only on an individual basis for people in those circumstances.

Heck one of the reasons that I got married when I did was to get join spouse orders. My DH and I met in Japan and then got sent to two different stateside assignments (Arizonia and North Dakota). Getting married was our only real chance of being able to live in same state. If we had not been seperated by the military then we would probably have contiued to date rather then marry for awhile longer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 8:55am
My aren't we the authority with the last word. Would you mind providing us all with a little background info, as in who are you, and what makes you an expert?

I especially like the way you told everyone what their priorities are and I quote "First Priority: God. Second Priority: Husband/Wife ----THEN Children. That's the order. That's the truth."

Maybe your truth, but not mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:04am
I've made plenty of dumb moves, especially in my youth, which is why I would try to teach my children that we really don't know what we want or what is best for us in our teens.

You think I have contempt for you, I don't. I do see that taking in a confused, defiant, run away 17 year old is not really in his best interests. Sorry but that's how I feel, the fact that it worked out well notwithstanding. I'm SURE you had huge problems with his parents, what kind of parents wouldn't care? I'm also SURE he adored you, you were his savior (in his eyes). He must have kissed the ground you walked on, an older women taking him in? Yes, I'm sure he was in absolute heaven. Yes, I would go on and on if my 17 year old daughter left home and high school to live with a 20 year old man. Absolutely, I'd go balistic. Am I that unusual in thinking that way?

I don't hate you, not one bit. I just can't understand your inability to see that marrying young is NOT a good idea, and that teenagers should be discouraged from doing so, especially given your experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:11am
Absolutely, I agree 100%.
Avatar for mjdphd
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:15am
That's sure what it is sounding like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:16am
So many points to pick apart, I'll choose just one:

Divorce is sometimes a choice, and sometimes not. Spouses are known to just walk. Sometimes one spouse just leaves, no matter what the other spouse does. These days, a divorce is far easier to obtain even if only one spose wants it. In the old days, if a spouse just walked, the one left behind had to wait 7 years before the marriage could be legally ended with the term "abandonment".

Ok, I'll have a go at just one other point too. Mental illness can strike any family and is often genetic in origin. Many of these teen killers had known problems, something that can happen in a family regardless of mom's working status. Of course there have always been mentally ill children, I think it just got easier for them to get guns. And once the example had been set by the first ones, others followed. I strongly suspect that if the first damaged teens had chosen arson instead, we'd have a wave of school fires instead of school shootings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-16-2003 - 9:21am
Let me answer the question with what I think you want to know.

I don't have a problem with premarital sex, but I do believe in being very, very careful and in using protection. Doubling up even, if you know what I mean.

I also don't have a problem with abortion, and think it's the better alternative to a shotgun wedding. I would never, ever get married and have a baby as a teen mom who is unmarried, nor would I ever marry someone I wasn't 100% sure of just because I was pregnant. I also wouldn't have a baby in my teens even if I thought I was 100% sure.

Pages