Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 8:43am
And how could you stop a legal adult from marrying?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 8:44am
Just to let y'all know...trumbull is still in Southern CT....it's down the road from me about 10-15 min.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 8:52am
Glad to know it hasn't moved. However, figuratively speaking, at least according to one poster, it might as well be 3000 miles away from Weston, LOL.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 9:09am
shhhh. don't tell anyone that they're only like 2 exits apart on the highway....and while weston may be a bit more affluent...trumbull is still fairly high socioeconomically.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 9:30am
But you did not force her not to get the tongue ring. The only person that you have control over is yourself. You made the decision that if she got a tongue ring then you would no longer financially support her. The decision of whether or not to get the ring was still in her court. If she decided that getting the ring was more important then your financial support the she would have still gotten the ring. There are many adult children that when given the "you do things my way becuase I am paying the bills" speech say "Fine, I'll make it on my own without your support" and do.


Edited 9/6/2003 10:19:30 AM ET by texigan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 9:47am
and actually even under 18 you do not have total control either. All you really have control over is the consequences.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 9:51am
There is a middle ground. My 20 year old DD is a night owl often coming in in the wee hours of the morning. But she is resepctful of the others in the house and does it very quietly. I never hear her come in if I am already asleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 9:58am
Yes, in the enlisted ranks that is true. I was 20 when I enlisted (turned 21 in basic) and I was one of the oldies. Since you need a college degree to be an officer, they are generally older when they join.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 10:41am
Actually, many of the Ivy League schools are easier to get into than state schools, nowadays. Particularly in CA. I didn't believe it until I saw it for myself. There are numerous stories locally and across the state of students who didn't get into Berkeley. They did, however, get into Stanford and Harvard.

The difference is how CA admits students. They guarantee a certain % of the top students entry into UC schools, so they are highly competitive. Particularly Berkeley and UCLA.

It's also the law of numbers. More students are attending college, so it's harder to get in. Now, I got into a good school in 1988. But there weren't as many students applying back then as they were now. I'm sure I'd still get in now, but in the interest of "diversity", schools really like to let in the poor folk like me (or like I was).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sat, 09-06-2003 - 10:45am
That's a very good point. While my school being top-10 in engineering certainly gave me a good education, and would have helped me get a better job right out of college (had I not joined the Navy), I would have gotten just as good of an education at a "lesser" school. Many engineering schools build their reputations on their grad schools, which often has little to do with the quality of undergrad. It's up to the student to learn what they can while they are there.

After the first job, the school you went to has less of an effect on your success...how you've proven yourself "on the job" is much more important.

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