Would you have had kids if you couldn't
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm |
I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol
In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.
How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?
Cindy

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I hate to break this to you, and as much as I'm a huge proponent of parents footing the bill for their kids college, it isn't against the law NOT to pay your kids tuition.
Edited 9/9/2003 9:07:57 AM ET by islimshady
Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14
Yes, supporting a minor is the law and someone can be legally forced to do so but with the exception of court ordered spousal support no one has an obligation to support another adult.
While I do not agree in using money as a way of punishment, the only one I really have control over is myself and that includes deciding how to spend my money.
If love is really true, what's the rush? Why not wait a few years so the couple can mature, get educated, get a decent or better job?
It's stupid, and the person who told me that more than enyone else is my mom, who herself married at 17 and as she tells it, made the single worse decision of her life. She admits that she was young and dumb.
Yep, it's stupid, stupid STUPID!
Give me one good reason why a person shouldn't wait a few years? And don't give me the lame "They're in love" excuse. If they're really in love it will last a few more years.
I know my mom drilled it into our heads to not make the same mistake she did.
If you had asked my mother-in-law if HER son (at 14) were going to marry at 18. . .she'd have laughed you out of town. . .then followed it with basically the same line you used. "I don't raise dummies."
And yet it happened.
Is it(marrying young) what we think is ideal for others or for our children. . .no, not necessarily. . .but that doesn't make him (or me) stupid. . . .just in love and determined to make our family a success.
I don't (though I was 21 and dh was 18 when we married) see my MARRIAGE as a mistake.
The TIMING of our marriage placed additional strain on the two of us. . .but we've made it through the good times and the bad times. I've talked quite candidly with my oldest daughter (the other children are too young to understand) about the additional strain. . .and our determination.
Three of the women I love most in this world married at 18. . .my mother and both of my grandmothers. One grandmother will have been married 63 years on Sunday (ironically, my birthday). . .she has alzheimers, but loved her husband all her days. . .and he is equally devoted to her.
Another grandmother was married 45 years at the time of her husband's death.
My mother was married nearly 20 years when she and my father divorced, due partly to the impact of untreated depression on our family and their relationship.
1. How long have you been married?
2. Would you advise your children to get married at 18, or will you advise them that it's best to wait awhile longer?
3. Would it disappoint you if your children married at 18 rather than pursued their educations?
This is what my mom, and I, are hoping to avoid for our kids. Marriage is tough enough without the extra stresses an early marriage presents. If the couple is not so determined as you are/where, there is little chance for survival. Why not wait until you're better prepared financially, emotionally, career wise and educationally?
So I'll ask you, WHY did you get married so young? Why wasn't waiting an option?
TwinsMom
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