Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:50am
1. How long have you been married? 13 years on October 19 of this year.

2. Would you advise your children to get married at 18, or will you advise them that it's best to wait awhile longer? I've already given information about my situation and the strain marrying early put on their father and I. Beyond that I will trust that I've taught my children the requisite skills to make good informed decisions for themselves. . .and will not 'advise' one way of the other.

3. Would it disappoint you if your children married at 18 rather than pursued their educations? Disappoint? No. It isn't about me. . .it's THEIR life. Would I be concerned? Sure. Just like I'm concerned about all my children as they embark upon a new phase of their life.

My oldest has ADD had has just started middle school. Due to her ADD, temperament, and organization skills, she may have a more difficult time than others in making the transition from elementary to middle school. Will I be disappointed if she doesn't make that transition smoothly. . .no, concerned, but not disappointed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:52am
Takeing away an adults constitutional rights, as in No stomache, tongue peircing, or I take "college".. That's a constitutional right. (the belly button ring or tongue ring).. and bribing them NOT to, is Extortion.

TwinsMom

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:53am
We considered waiting as we'd planned on doing, but yes- I was pregnant when we married.

I've never hidden that here and I haven't hidden it from my children.

Despite the fact that I was pregnant, we considered waiting. . .but decided we were committed to each other . . .and making it 'legal' had definite advantages with regards to military benefits.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:53am
Ha, ha, ha. No, it's not illegal, and it's not extortion. It is no more extortion than telling my son that he will not get his allowance if he doesn't take out the garbage.

Extortion! Good one!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:57am
I know it's their life, but don't you want the best for them? Don't you want them to start off on the best foot, unburdened? Why would you not be disappointed to see your children have to struggle and start off a marriage with unecessary stresses and strains? See, I just don't get this attitude, especially when there is always the option of WAITING.


Edited 9/9/2003 10:03:14 AM ET by islimshady
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 9:59am
I think you'd have a tough time getting any lawyer to take that case, and an even tougher one finding a judge who wouldn't throw it out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:01am
4 entries found for extortion.

ex·tor·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (k-stôrshn)

n.

The act or an instance of extorting.

Illegal use of one's official position or powers to obtain property, funds, or patronage.

An excessive or exorbitant charge.

Something extorted.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ex·tortion·ary (-sh-nr) adj.

ex·tortion·ist or ex·tortion·er n.

Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition

Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.

Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.




extortion

( P ) extortion: log in for this definition of extortion and other entries in Merriam-Webster Dictionary of Law, available only to Dictionary.com Premium members.


Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.


extortion

\Ex*tor"tion\, n. 1. The act of extorting; the act or practice of wresting anything from a person by force, by threats, or by any undue exercise of power; undue exaction; overcharge.

2. (Law) The offense committed by an officer who corruptly claims and takes, as his fee, money, or other thing of value, that is not due, or more than is due, or before it is due. --Abbott.

3. That which is extorted or exacted by force.

Syn: Oppression; rapacity; exaction; overcharge.


Source: Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary, © 1996, 1998 MICRA, Inc.


extortion

n 1: an exorbitant charge 2: unjust exaction (as by the misuse of authority): "the extortion by dishonest officials of fees for performing their sworn duty" 3: the felonious act of extorting money (as by threats of violence)


Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

BlackMail

\Black"mail`\, n. 1. A certain rate of money, corn, cattle, or other thing, anciently paid, in the north of England and south of Scotland, to certain men who were allied to robbers, or moss troopers, to be by them protected from pillage. --Sir W. Scott.

2. Payment of money exacted by means of intimidation; also, extortion of money from a person by threats of public accusation, exposure, or censure.

3. (Eng. Law) Black rent, or rent paid in corn, flesh, or the lowest coin, a opposed to ``white rent'', which paid in silver


In your case your illiciting specific behavior from your child. And the price is his constitutional right.

I don't care what terms you put it in. If it's a 'sheep' then it's a 'sheep'

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:01am
OK, so it wasn't exactly planned, and it wasn't what you would consider to be the smart thing to do, correct? ( I mean not being more careful, that's not a smart thing to do, nor is it something you want your children to repeat, I'm sure).
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:04am
Why would I NOT be disappointed. . .because disappointment is a form of judgement. . .and I'm in no place to judge. I am not perfect, though I have what I feel is a good life.

Yes, I want them to have a good life. . .but life includes stresses. . .some lives more than others. . .but there is no such thing as an unstressed life.

I'll give them information on the stress we've faced and the impact of that stress. . .but ultimately it is a decision they have to make.

I also feel that disappointment would only come between myself and my child. . .at a time when they may need all the support they can get.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:06am
We were planning to marry after I finished college. We married 2 years earlier than we planned.

I was uninformed about some aspects of the birth control method I was using.. .if you want to call being uninformed 'not being more careful' then so be it.

I am trying to ensure that my children are fully informed about life. . .all of it.

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