Would you have had kids if you couldn't

Avatar for cindytree
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Would you have had kids if you couldn't
1589
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:31pm
Would you still have had children if you knew you might not be able to pay for their college education? I'm not talking about providing food and shelter and needs of minor children and paying bills in general. Just about paying their way through college.

I guess I'm still astounded at the attitude that surfaced at another thread implying that if they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have had children. Of course, I'm a lazy, selfish mom at home who isn't working while some of my kids are in school so maybe my opinion doesn't count. Maybe I SHOULD take up scrapbooking to make my existence more worthwhile! lol

In any case, it is an interesting question considering that, under that reasoning, Oprah Winfrey shouldn't have been born. Give me time and I can come up with a whole list of highly successful and respected people who have impacted us in positive ways that wouldn't have been born had their parents decided that because they couldn't pay for college, they wouldn't have children.

How has the college issue influenced your decision to have children, if at all? Do you think it is an important criteria in the decision?

Cindy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:10am
Honey, NONE of those definitions apply in this case.

What you seem to be incapable of understanding is that parents are under no legal obligation to pay for their children's college. They can put whatever contingencies they want on the funds. If a parent decides that the only way they will pay their children's tuition is if the child makes mom and dad breakfast in bed for a year, dyes their hair pink and doesn't allow them to use the phone and stand on their head they can do so.

You can't extort money from someone who doesn't own the money. If a parent wants to throw their 18 year old child on the streets for getting a body piercing, that's entirely within their rights. It's also entirely within the parents rights to withhold the parents money for college if the child gets a tongue ring or anything else that bugs the parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:15am
Mostly from what I have read here, you rather your sons didn't learn it for themselves.. You would rather make the decisions for them, and not trust in how you have raised them.. I guess that's what is really pissing everyone off..

They are/will be adults and as such you can't tell them what to do, you can only control yourself and you refuse to see that.

TwinsMom

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:15am
So obviously your premature marriage and an unexpectated baby may have had more to do with your husband's enlisting in the service rather than going to college than anything else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:17am
Are you pissed off? Don't be, why in the world would how I raise my children be of any concern to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:18am
And a CHILD is under NO legal obligation to take that kind of ultimatum.. You seem to think that you can just tell them this that and the other and they will do what you say.. IT is NOT true. With that kind of thinking you will surely send your kids out away from you. I rather not take that risk.

TwinsMom

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:19am
I don't think so. . .but you can. If the only reason he went into the military was because of our marriage and daughter, do you think he'd still be in 13 years later. . .do you think he'd have gone from RESERVE duty to ACTIVE duty if he weren't committed to what he's doing?




Edited 9/9/2003 10:21:46 AM ET by virgogirl914

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:20am
Practice what you PREACH woman, if your going to sit there and tell everyone that I need a license to raise my children.. You need to figure out where you went wrong. You need the license more then me.

TwinsMom

editted for spelling


Edited 9/9/2003 10:23:15 AM ET by twinsmom_09

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:23am
Boy do you have a lot to learn. If I tell my child that I won't pay for his school if he gets a tongue ring and he gets the tongue ring, guess what? I don't have to pay for his college, and I guarantee you, no court in the land would even consider pursuing it. It's the parents prerogative of whether they give their kids college funds or not.

In fact, it just may make the list of most absurd lawsuits even entertained.

For the record, I have no intentions of setting those kinds of contingencies on my kids, but if I wanted to, I could.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:25am
Oh no, I believe he's very committed - now. I'm just saying that had circumstances been different, he may have seen that he had other options at the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 10:28am
Umm, You're obviously confused. Do a better job of reading.

I NEVER said anyone needed a license to raise their children. Truth be told, I think the whole idea is ridiculous.

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